Standalones

Pria Cantikku

[BIDEN WON! CONGRATULATIONS E'RYONE!! Now keep yourself safe from the feral trumpets out there)

(Trans Alec)
Tw// Talks about Dysphoria

It’s been awhile since Izzy and he have spent time like this. He missed this, obviously, and he wants to enjoy shopping with Izzy, to help her pick clothes. But something is holding him back.

He adjusts his over-sized hoodie again, letting it puff up around his chest. He is wearing a binder but he can still feel the… lumps… on there. They gross him out a little, he doesn’t want to think about them. He has an urge to cross his arms above his chest but he does not do it, because doing so would mean that he feels his chest and Raziel, he does not want to do that right now.

“Big brother, how about this?” Izzy picks up a black plaid skirt and shows it to Alec, she’s trying to figure out what to wear for the Clave party they have to attend in a few days.

Big Brother, It’s just a word, but it makes warmth burst in Alec’s chest, it makes him smile.

“It looks good,” Alec replies hesitantly, trying to adjust his voice and make it sound deeper. It is deep, deeper than it used to be. He’s been on T for a while now so the pitch of his voice has drastically changed. Somehow, today that isn’t helping him.

Izzy hums, dropping the skirt in the shopping cart and going to the sections with all the feminine tops and accessories.

Alec takes a breath in, following Izzy and trying not to look at the dresses and the tees and tops for too long, looking at them isn’t really helping him at the moment. But he doesn’t want to tell Izzy that, Izzy seems happy while she’s shopping and he does not want to break this moment of theirs just because he’s feeling dysphoric.

He felt a little dejected when he woke up this morning, and having a shower just added on to it. He tried to shut his eyes and not touch anything he didn’t want to but that didn’t really aid his dysphoria.

He would’ve texted Magnus but Magnus had come back home late last night from a warlock consul in Singapore and Alec didn’t really want to disturb his boyfriend, knowing that he must be tired.

Jace felt Alec’s discomfort through their parabatai bond, so since the morning, Jace was constantly using terms like ‘man’ or ‘dude’ more than usual to help him, and it did help a bit. It was something Jace usually did whenever he felt Alec being a little shifty or not himself - Jace had caught it up from the mundane websites he went to on google to educate himself when Alec had come out to him.

Later that afternoon, when Clary and Jace went on a mission, Izzy came up to Alec cheerfully and asked him if he wanted to go on a shopping date today, and of course Alec said yes. He didn’t have any missions planned and was also done with all of his reports, he was bored anyways so he was more than happy to spend time with Izzy.

Though, he didn’t expect his dysphoria to hit like this just for being near the women clothing section.

Alec runs a hand through his hair and fixes his hoodie for what seems like the 5 time in the past 10 minutes, he glances at the mirror beside him and focuses on his face. He is passing, he knows that. He is tall and has a little stubble. Right now he looks flat chested, his hoodie covers his lower area and he looks… okay.

And yet he does not feel okay.

“Alec?” Izzy’s voice breaks his chain of thoughts. “Are you listening?”

Alec realizes that she’s been saying something about an off shouldered top she’s holding up in her hands, and Alec has completely been zoned out this whole time.