A Hundred Flashbacks

The Painless Death

Back when I was a college student, I still hardly gain weight though my muscles go lean due to regular exercises that is required since it was a semi-military school.  I was still wishing for more. I have tested most milks to gain weight but I've seen no developments. One day in my 2nd class cadetship, a pills from china have gained popularity among the scholars which is sold in some Health Shops in SM Malls. Its name is Gejie Pills. This makes my weight gained a lot but thanks to these pills I got stretch marks for the first time in my life with it's side effects that will give you spots on skin like mosquito bites that never heals without Dermatologist's help. Due to the aggressiveness towards food, a small group of friends eat five times a day and the last meal is late at night before sleep.

This gives myself more chances of winning toward my sleep paralysis state. It's scientifically based. When you fell asleep with full stomach, it happens sometimes. One night came, it's one of the most scariest events happened sharp 12' midnight. I was on  Astral projection. Astral Projection is a term used in to describe the existence of a consciousness  called the "astral body" that is separate from the "physical body"  and capable of travelling outside it throughout where ever you wanted. The experiences I have in these are so broad that it will eat a lot of chapters so I'll stick to what happened on this very scenario. My astral body unshackled once again and wish to play somewhere. When people astral projects, you are actually controlling your dreams. You can go where ever you wanna go and experience everything you haven't experience. What's the best feeling is, you are feeling the same thing as if you are there physically. Eat ice creams, fly high, sensations, happiness, and almost everything. The risks is, instead you control of it, it will control you and if you panicked you may be trapped and freaked out which will lead you to a lucid nightmare which in a very rare case, you could never return to your physical body.

In a lucid nightmare, the dreamer is aware that he is dreaming and that the dream is a nightmare. The nightmare themes often involve demonic figures out to inflict terrible harm on the dreamer who struggles to wake up but can't. As of the 12 midnight ticked and my astral body was inside the Charley quarter where my actual body is sleeping, I looked over myself sleeping. Watching it over for minutes while glancing on some other scholars sleeping. The quarters have double deck bed. As I watch above me, the person above me was watching over my astral body and it freaks me out! I stepped back due to shocked. The moment I stepped backed, it's only then I noticed two giant black figures watching over my body on my left and right side!!! 

I was alarmed and right away my astral body snapped back like I was sucked by my physical body and right away I was awaken while my bunk mate above me was keep on calling me because I was shouting he said. I've never, expected that. I know the reasons of those two dark figures watching over my body. They waited that I got lost and couldn't come back to my physical body for them to take over and I was so damn scared on those moments. I thought they took over before I could come back.

I shared what I happened to my bunk mate Felipe and he offered me a glass of water and told me to drink it before sleeping again. He was a good guy. He woke me up not just once or twice. It's more than that all over the school year as a 2nd class cadet. It's just always there. After what happened, I kept myself be awaken before the midnight strike again and it lasts for a week. I'm afraid that I will see them again. My body is so vulnerable to these demons. It's a good vessel I know that. Whoever you are, go find a sexier body not this one you fagg**! 

Going back 2010, a horror film Insidious was released. It is the story of a boy who astral projects, he flies, and go somewhere while he was being hunted by the devil and caught his astral body as he was in coma. Honestly, I relate 98% to the film. Yes I fly, yes I was haunted and that where ever I go, it's not about the place I've been staying. It's within me. What I'm afraid is, them taking over my body. Even without the film was released I have that scary feeling happening. 

Has it ever happened to me? Is it the one talking with me on my sleep talks? Has it taken over me somehow?  How will I know? Is it the one that I was looking for on April 25th that never exists in real life? Is it the one appears when my face was different as described by my friend whom I ask to accompany me with on April 25th? Is it the one who destroys my career? I still have hundreds of questions that had never answered yet. I certainly have a behavior that I don't understand somehow and I'm still searching for answers about it. 

(Continuation of previous chapter)
April 25, 2020 

Now I'm back to where I left it. It's sleep paralysis again this time but no devil's appearances. For some reason, as I was sleeping with my back and gave up everything, I couldn't move my body. I certainly know I was on sleep paralysis because I can't move any but this time not even toes. None of it moves. My fingers? They don't move too. I relaxed. I've mastered this drill. Relaxed. Don't freak out darling. No monsters baby. It's just me and my body who can't freaking move. I just keep doing it. 

When you are on sleep paralysis, and you can't wake up from it, you just actually need to sleep again and forget what happened; listen to me because I'm a pro to these kind of situations. But this is different, I really can't move and feel anything. I struggled to sleep back as well. Nothing is happening. This was a free show this time. It took sometime moving any parts of my body and still not a single part of me moves. I can sense time now. I JUST CAN'T MOVE!

It took me sometime to understand the situation. I need to know where my body is. I tried to shout. My lips barely moved. There's no voice at all. It's not the first time I struggled this hard because every sleep paralysis is a struggle each and every time. It actually needs a lot of time to conciously know where you are, who's with you, and how did you sleep. What's happening is just unique. I never experienced this. It seems like my body is never responding but I'm still in there. 

My heart starts beating abnormally. I got urgency now. My brain is now alarmed. I need to wake up or it will be too late. I need to locate where I am. Is there somebody with me while I'm sleeping? Where is my body located? I can feel something is choking me. It's like small hands. I can't open my eyes to see since my body is not functioning well this time. Is there somebody wanted to kill me? Tell me. 

I got it after a long tragic event of guessing the situation. I remember now. Where my body is sleeping. I've finally got the scenario. It was on my apartment. Knowing this, even if my lips moved and talked less nobody could hear me with the door locked. So what's choking me. What's making me stopped my movements? Nobody is there, again. I need to wake myself up again. Here I am again. Helpless and trying to live for another wake ups. Nobody will knock on those doors. Nobody will call down my name. Nobody will rushed down and wake me up. I can't move a muscle still and so I prayed. I call God. I talked to him for this time. I can't handle the situation. I can feel my eyes ran with tear drops on me.

"God, please, hear me out. I'm a sinner and I lost the battle of trials that the demons gave on recent days. Something is choking me right now and I'm almost out of breath!" I said. 

"My body won't move an inch nor my toes and fingers and their starting to get numb! Each and every struggle with sleep paralysis I relied to myself because I know I've mastered this but this time I'm wrong and I couldn't!"

"Forgive me! Help me! God, I still wanted to live... . . " 

No response. Nothing changed. Why? Im on a very disperate situation to wake up and to breathe. 

I can still feel it. I'm being choked to death. I knew my door is locked and that nobody should be inside and if they barged in, I will surely have waken up. If I won't struggle I will forever be sleeping. If I won't calm myself I'll be dead with this condition that can lead to sudden cardiac death. This will likely to happen if I won't calm myself but I can't keep my cool now. 

My breathing repeatedly stops and starts. I got no more responses with my fingers and toes anymore. Not for long, everything stops. My soul left my body. I saw through it and now I'm watching over it.  My very physical body experienced a so called Painless Death. ..

NEXT: TANGIBLE SOUL