Imagine how hard I worked my ass off. How serious I was dealing with it myself. I never took the easy path to take such success. I took the hard way so everything will go smooth and easy as life goes along the way. How disciplined and how people looked up on me like they wished to be. Everything collapsed with just a single moment of action done to this body. It's hard to accept it. Especially when you don't understand what's happening within you. What goes wrong and how to make it right. When you've chosen to tell to somebody who might have helped but instead put you down to the loneness of sorrow.
Why let it everything crushed in a single moment? I never knew what just happened at all! I signed off the ship without saying goodbye to anyone. I feel miserable. I will missed machineries though it won't feel the same at me. If only they could talk, they will defend me because they know I took care of them seamlessly. Right from there on I feel, madness. My anger surge within me. It made me the guy I wasn't. Life is too unfair for me. It never eases.
This must how Livia feel. Have done nothing to the world as someone grabs her, ingress pain, raped and killed her. There was almost no difference aside from getting myself killed. Her anger surge towards her until her last few breaths. Hatred, hostility, bitterness and madness - it's how she felt to the world as her life dismissed. So was I. I was carrying it everywhere. Masked myself again from the crowd. Small is making me angry each and every time - was it anything so familiar?
April 23rd, 2020 - if we flashback to the said day, then the occurrences are the reflection of how I become after the experienced onboard the vessel 2 years ago. Cats' who give misfortunes, bad luck and chaos. Black ants which means, 'something small is making you angry'. A shadow aspect of myself symbolizes a seemingly minor annoyance that I am repressing or denying. Maggots which is the implication of negativity and ties; feelings of disgust, repulsiveness, fear and hate toward something or someone. All of what happened described was me. Like how I grind my teeth in my sleep. As if I'm cursing someone as they say. Wishing someone's death and anger that never eases yet. Everything just coincide to what happened and to what I become.
Things were excruciating. I couldn't barely be in a relationship since I can't put myself into misunderstanding or disagreement. Only few knew the real me aside from my family. I never see myself getting married or have kids since kids as well annoys me. I was thinking getting married will solve this but my friend say don't. I should be facing this by myself and not with anybody else since it involves something strange and so I did.
Back when I was onboard, I kept reading books about success and financial literacy. Those books lead me to Real Estate Market. It is where I belonged now. I wasn't even a usual agent who just made a simple sell. I made it to the top that I kept getting rewards, recognitions and such. Masked myself again. I fit myself here since I have no boss and people are calling each other here as "Boss". I became the youngest Unit Manager which is the highest position you could get as being an Agent of the company.
You can actually put me anywhere and I will still attain it. Somehow, I glide and danced into passion not telling everyone else about me. When I got promoted as a Unit Manager, I was asked by my Team Leader what's the name of my Team will be. There were like eight teams already gathered with the stones name on it. Those where, Team Sapphire, Emerald, Citrine, Aquamarine, Diamonds, Ruby, Garnet, Amber, and Peridot so there were few stones left to choose from.
I basically don't care what stone it is. Choosing randomly from what remains, I ended up having the stone Amethyst and thus I got the team named Team Amethyst. After telling the team what the team name is, they were happy about it and googled its meaning. One from my team sent its meaning to our group chat.
Amethyst, a precious stone consisting of a violet or purple variety of quarts. Spiritual meaning is said to be incredibly protective, healing and purifying. Claimed to help get rid of negativity and bring forth humility, sincerity and spiritual wisdom. Amethyst dispels anger, rage fear and anxiety. Activates spiritual awareness, opens intuition and enhances psychic abilities! (healthline.com)
Amethyst is a protective stone that helps calm your mind and provide quality sleep at night! It interacts with your spirit at a high level as a result you might also get some pleasant or intuitive dreams at night! Amethyst calms from ethereal dimension and brings back to our spiritual center. Amethyst is a high vibrational stone that connects with the subconscious mind. It's the most popular healing stones to use when suffering from nightmares! This stone's energy resonates with the dream stage of sleep, helping to protect you against nightmares.
How good is that? It's like the world has written it to happen for me once again. Like how this book is well written as if it's already bonded and seen through past, present and my future. I felt like I was in a movie. And as much as I don't believe with stones, first time I ordered one. Such a small stone for a price which now hanged on my neck as a necklace. Beautiful as it is, it resonates me. Sleep with it and even tried sleeping with my back, it feels good. Never had so much bad dreams after that. This happened days after April 25th.
After waking up from those moments of resurgence, I amend myself and hope for the change. I wish to travel now. If it happen again at least let me see the world. I've been traveling towards countries and cross the four oceans of this planet and yet nothing in the domain interests me but the stars and the Milky Way which is so clear on the night skies as the ship was in the middle of the vast ocean – far away from air pollutants. Never even been to Samal Island before. An island full of amazing resorts and beaches which is just 10 minute drive from where I live. Can u imagine that? It's how boring my life is. No travel, no love, not too much friends, no casual talks but only work and game. Well, been doing it to avoid the same thing happen again anyway. I have my reasons and I don't need to tell anyone but is now a book.
Life puzzles me up. Like a riddle of questions that no one has the answer. In finding answers you need to know where it all started. Where did it begin? Was it the Ouija board or Livia and the tree where I used to take shelter? Was it myself doing lucid dreams and lost it along the way? Was it the two giant black figures watching me on my sleep? Was it the 'Imaginary friend'? Or was it how I was born in a very special way. Here's why I call it – the Special Way.
Next: SID – Sudden Instant Death Syndrome
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A Hundred Flashbacks
HorrorI was born and bring luck to my family and to the people around me, while I carried the consequences and burden. This story you're about to read is REAL and based on my personal experiences. If you are a fun of True Horror Story, Sleep Paralysis...
