Linstead oneshots

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

erin Lindsay had always been a secretive person, something she learnt at a young age from her sorry excuse for a mother, bunny. things like opening up to people and discussing her past had never come easy to her, and he could understand that because, in the end, they both knew what it was like to go through trauma. thing is, jay also knows that she will never say specifically what trauma she went through, though its not exactly a hard guess. in reality, erin had been abused in almost every way imaginable; from torture and emotional abuse to being forced into drugs an drinking by bunny and Charlie, she had even been raped and found herself surrounded by  physically violent role models. in short, when it came to trauma, erin Lindsay was the whole package. which leads us to a question, what happens when her abusers return?...

it was your typical Tuesday in the middle of summer.; the weather was warm and humid, the air was warm and fresh and the sun was as cheerful as a comet soaring endlessly through the thick night sky. the café was bustling, filled to the brim with customers, families and tired shoppers surrounded each table. detective erin Lindsay and her boyfriend and partner in crime, detective jay halstead were taking a day off and had made their first stop a café, a café that just happened to be this café, on this day, as that shady figure waltzed into the room, letting out a low whistle as he  paced closer to the couple, resting his hand confidently on the small of Erin's back, inching ever closer before calling out, "hey, darlin'". one thing was for certain, he was perfectly aware of the reaction his actions had on her, pure and utter terror, and he loved it, loved her fear, loved her pain, to him it was all fun and games.

Erin's pov: 

i could feel my breathing grow heavier as my body began to treble in fear of the person who stood before me... Charlie! how this was even possible, i hadn't the faintest idea. i mean, this is like the least popular café this side of Chicago, but its our place, mine ad jays, to us its a second home. thing is, Charlie is supposed to be in prison, which reminds me... Voight texted me earlier saying we really needed to talk about my past and something that happened last night. last night! what if Charlie broke out or was released last night?! my eyes clenched shut as the overwhelming waves of anxiety constantly crashing over me became too much for my fragile mind to handle. before i knew it, the entire world had gone black, my head was spinning, and a familiar pain radiated through my head as a  single tear fell from eyes. 

i had stopped it, for now, pulled the plug.my eyes were the gateway for the memories to pour into my mind, poising me with their undeniable toxicity, so i closed my eyes, sealed the doorway, barricading it with all the strength i had, shielding my mind from the darkness that had desperately tried to seep its way through. i just hoped ,y mission had been a success and not just for my sake, or we were all screwed. by the time i came to, i was laid gently in jays lap with Voight standing to one side, discussing in a hushed tone something about the perp to an officer, probably some rookie judging by his shy and timid demeanour. after a while, you get used tov the job and its hardships, the tough and heartless nature becomes part of you, creating the outward appearance of a badass. i shifted my gaze to the perp in custody, blinking in shock for a minute as the familiar face of my past abuser stood before me, handcuffed and whistling as if nothing had happened. i salt bolt upright, causing jay to notice i was awake and shift his position to hold on to me with a firmer grasp then before, he knew i would try to run away. i felt my breathing once again grow ragged as a familiar weight sat over my chest, bruising me with its utter hatred and sickly feelings. it was marking me, the darkness, it was gnawing away at me, desperately trying to get me to join it.

if im being honest with myself, the urge to simply give in and be done with fighting the pain inside was overwhelming. i wanted nothing more than to succumb to the cravings, the addictions and the pain, but i knew i couldnt, for one very simple reason; this time, unlike all the others, i have jay.

nobodies pov:

truth be told, no one, including hank Voight himself, knows exactly what erin went through as a child, though all know that it was traumatic. so, here is a brief summary of her earliest years.

age 1-5: physically and emotionally abusive and negligent carers. young erin had a frail imagination that had, truth be told, once thrived yet was, much like a garden cloaked in weeds and vines, had the light and good snuffed out by the darkness, buried deep inside her soul, so far buried that she would never find hope again. this stage only ended because her step father (one of many) grew tired of bunny and left, not after beating the hell out of erin first, while bunny watched i might add.

jays pov:

seeing the badass detective i fell in love with so utterly terrified broke my heart. i could barely contain her tears let alone my own as i shakily carried her to the car following some questioning from a rookie officer. apparently Charlie had escaped and decided to spend his limited time out in the open hurting erin. i know she went through some serious shit as a child, but seeing how terrified and submissive she became the moment his presence was recognised both outraged and baffled me. erin never gave into anything, and yet she was broken once more the second he appeared. i know she isn't alright, and i know she never truly will be. in her eyes happiness has always been but an illusion, a temporary hallucination that only distracts from the truth that surrounds you. i know that's how she sees the world, but its not how i do. 

i look at erin and see a beautiful, kind, generous, funny, intelligent and badass person who fought so hard and went through hell but survived against all odds and achieved her goals, and found happiness. that's incredible. she's incredible. and its one of the many things that influence the way he sees the world and all its happiness, an opportunity, a puzzle, a path, one that any choice can be made from, but will always have just consequences. 

seeing how all of what made erin so perfect shatter before his very eyes once more at the hands of the one who broke her in the first place, it  made his temper boil, his patience burn to a crisp, and his desire to protect her form her worst enemies, including herself, to become incredibly strong. he wasnt just angry. he was fucking enraged! he couldnt understand for the life of him how someone, anyone could hurt erin like that when she never did anything to deserve it. hence why he asked her the following question. a question that had the potential to either build her up or cause her to shatter once more. and, though he wasnt sure his heart could take either after such a long journey, he chose to voice the constantly thought question regardless, despite the fact it wasnt one he would typically voice, at least, not to her.

"erin? w-what happened to you?"

authors note:

sorry, this would have been loads longer but im lazy as fuck and wanted to get this out soon. potential part two. enjoy. i wont post much during the Christmas holiday but will publish more following the end. have a great day!

-graysonisdemi signing off...