Small Occurrences in a Little Life

Lost

Lately I have been lost. I am happy most of the time talking to my friends, but when I'm alone like on the bus or alone in class or home, I've noticed I don't feel anything. I don't feel happy, sad, angry.... its like I fell into a black hole of nothingness. I don't know why I don't feel these things and it scares me, at least thats a feeling though. Its not like I never feel anything though, I will feel fine for hours, I'll feel happy for no reason what so ever. But then suddenly nothing. And I've read somethings in a health book, talking specifically about mental disorders, meaning anxiety, depression, eating disorders, etc. I've known already that I have anxiety for awhile, and I had gone through something and had given me a little PSD, but I've pretty much gotten passed that, but some of the things I read about depression stuck with me, because I think I've seen those symptoms in myself but who can really say. Some of the things I've learned from further research on depression is that, today both anxiety and depression are two of the most common mental disorders in children/teens 9-17. How terrible is that? That we feel these ways and its actually becoming a normal occurrence and the worst part is.... most of us going through this are too afraid or too embarrassed to get the help they want and need, because of the labels and the names that society gives us for things we have no control of. I for one have trouble asking for things like telling people because I have trouble expressing my troubles but I hate being constantly asked "Are you okay?", or "What's wrong?" I don't want that and I remember my mom asking me if I wanted to go to therapy after all these things went down and now I regret saying no because I think it would've helped me so much in the end.