Small Occurrences in a Little Life

Drowning Nights

Last night I sat down an cried. I cried about all the reason why I feel, no why I know, I'm not good enough. Why I am inadequate. I cried because I was alone, no one home just me, think about all of the times people made me wish I was dead. I cried because I don't look forward to the future anymore. I cried because I have no ambitions in life. I cried because I don't believe in love anymore. I cried because I can trust people the way I wish I could. I cried because in life all we, as humans, do is work to pay off a debt we earned trying to make a life, only to die a sad life. I cried because even after everything I've been through, the things a haven't told anyone, I still thing their is someone that can save me. I cried because I can emotionally disconnect myself and I'm afraid to show anyone emotion because I'm suppose to be the strong one, the one everyone leans on we they are upset. I cried because I don't and can't love myself. I cried because I can't see myself having a family, children and a husband. I cried because I know I'm cracked and that one day I'll break completely, and that will be the end of me. I just cried. I worry about my friends, my family, and I know I can't leave them behind me although sometimes that's all I want to do. And for now I will stay strong and I will fight the demons in my mind and I will smile like nothing is wrong because that's what I'm suppose to be, what I have to be. But one day I'll break and leave a path of distruction in my wake. Until then I will just cry.