He Changed Me (BoyxBoy)

Chapter Five

*Smiles* Hi guys!

So that's what the new Seth that Travis was describing looks like ---->

       Seth's Point of View

            I’ve never been more thankful for Luke than I did today. The only reason he went after me was because he’s been texting and calling me nonstop but I never answered him and he saw that as the perfect opportunity to talk to me…then he saw me crying. I can’t believe I cried in front of Travis but I couldn’t hold it in. Everything he said was true and I just hate myself more than I already did. He probably thought he was hiding it well and he was but his eyes…my God, his eyes. Seeing the hurt and the anger as he said what he did in his eyes just tore me up inside.

            Luke helped me keep it together so that I could back to class and now he knows the person that made him break up with me, Travis. He was angry that Travis made me cry but what he didn’t understand was that it was my fault that I was crying. I hurt him and I had no idea how much I did until today.

            When I first saw him I thought heart was about to burst. My heart was happy and my heart was in love. My mind, however, knew I had to push those thoughts away. The way he looked at me when I first turned around was the same way he looked at me that time when I told him I wanted to be kissed in the rain. Then Luke walked in and by the time I brought my attention back to Travis the Travis I knew was gone. I can’t blame him. He has every right to hate me, to be angry with me, and not want to see me again. But I wish he didn’t. I wished he still want me and he wouldn’t look at me like I’m scum. I can handle my dad looking at me like that but from Travis…it’s unexplainable.

            And that’s why I gave him my phone number. We had an assignment to do, he obviously didn’t want to talk to me, and I couldn’t bear the way he looked at me. If you’ve ever been in love and have the person hate you with every fiber of your being then you’d understand how I feel.

            I never thought I’d see Travis again. How did he end up at my university that I’ve been attending this past year and in my sociology class? What kind of sick faith is that? Did God think this was funny? I want so desperately to think that this is a sign that him and I belong together, what a silly little boy I’d be for thinking that. I used to think that a while back because nobody ever made me feel the way he did in high school. Just by looking at me, speaking to me, holding my hand, made me feel special. It made me feel wanted, needed, and desired.

Taking a deep breath, I raised my head to take in the old shack I live in. On the outside it looks like a perfect home. No one would guess the hell that goes on inside. I haven’t seen the sperm donor that called himself my father since that night he almost broke my door down. I don’t know what happened to him and I honestly couldn’t care less. The only downsize about him not being home is that the tiniest sound I hear I freak out, thinking it’s him coming home.

            I sat on my bed with the TV on mute, that way I can hear if anything is happening inside the house and my father wouldn’t be aware that I’m home. The way I kept glancing at my phone one would think something magical is about to come out of it. No, I’m not expecting Travis to call me (I’m not even sure if he picked up the paper with my number on it); I’m waiting for my brother to call. It’s been a month and a half since I last heard from him and I’m dying to hear his voice. He always knows what to say and he has this way of making me feel less shitty about myself.

            I realized one of my sketchpads was on my bed. This comes as a surprise to me because I don’t usually leave it out, I must have fallen asleep while I was drawing in it. Turning the book over, I was met with a half drawn picture of Travis. Huh, I thought. Funny thing is I don’t even remember drawing it. I closed the book and began looking through it from the front. Travis, Travis, Travis, Travis, and more Travis on every page.Some of these I didn’t realize I was drawing him until they were done. Everything was down to detail, his big curly hair, his almond shaped crystal like eyes, and his beautiful smile.