"Mrs Music"

Chapter 41

*Mackenzie pov

I've been home for almost 4 days now and I feel like I'm living in a nightmare. I have never been so on edge in my entire life. Shaun had been simple to understand. I knew when I was going to get a beating, and also what provoked him. I had learned to read the book titled 'Shaun' very well.
I can't say the same for Jay. The years he has spent as a politician have taught him many lessons. On the surface he seems affable, pleasant, kind even, but it is a well crafted mask. Behind it there is self preserving, narcissistic insincerity.

The morning I arrived home and found him in my home, with my kids, I was shaken to the core. What did he want? Jay and I sat at my dining table that day, albeit under duress in my case. A gun pointing in my direction enough of an incentive to sit.
He requests I hand over my phone, which I do, and informs me he has disconnected our landline phone, destroying our wifi and internet access.
"So, Mackenzie. You have done a wonderful job raising our kids despite the fact you chose to marry that snake of a man"

"DONT YOU DARE CALL THEM 'OUR' KIDS JAY! Never. You don't deserve the label of father! You gave up that right when you left us! You're right about Shaun though, he was a snake. A violent, abusive, sneaky, self obsessed arsehole who shouldn't be categorised 'Man'. He was an animal.
Maybe if you hadn't just disappeared and left me alone to raise 2 children I wouldn't have been so broken. So lonely and desperate for someone to love me that I fell for the first person that gave me any attention, showed me a semblance of affection. I used to blame you for ruining my life Jay, but without you I wouldn't have my kids. They are my life, my happiness and joy. Caring for them and loving them has been the greatest gift, something I would never change. All my struggles and hardships paled into insignificance every time one of them hugged me, smiled at me or held my hand. Being present for all of their firsts, first step, first words was an honour and a privlilege and you missed it all. I actually pity you"

He considers my words whilst running his finger around the rim of his mug. It feels like forever before he finally speaks. So long that I begin to feel nervous, the fact that he has a gun inches from his fingertips not helping negate the rising dread. I fidget in my seat and start to twiddle my fingers, a habit of old during times of stress. The last memory of partaking in this behaviour I have is when I took my GCSE exams at school! He is making me feel young and weak again, and I am neither of those things anymore.

I break the silence. "I have had a long flight, I'm exhausted and I need to sleep, so I'd appreciate it if you would just say what you came to say and then leave please Jay"

He smirks and looks at me, raising his eyebrows. "I'm impressed Mackenzie! Strong words from a clearly passionate woman, one that in hindsight I realise I should never have left behind. When you and I met my wife was unstable and only devoted to Yoongi, hence the reason I became involved with you. You were everything my wife was when we had first met, innocent, excitable, inquisitive and fun loving. Beautiful inside and out. We had married at 21 and we had the most amazing first few years together. We began discussing having a family once we had both finished reading law at University and had taken jobs as junior clerks in a small family law practice. Things were wonderful, our life was perfect. I was quickly promoted, rising up the ranks quickly until I was running the company. My wife was overlooked for promotion over and over again, which was not uncommon in those days, but it started to become an issue, causing conflicts in our marriage. I could understand why she was so annoyed by this, she was the smartest member of the team and deserved to be recognised for that. I promised to promote her myself when there was  next a vacancy but she didn't want others to feel there had been nepotism involved. I felt powerless and she began to suffer bouts of depression, eventually choosing to stop working and focus on building a home to raise our children. We tried for 12 years to fall pregnant with no success and she became more and more despondent. I had continued to make progression on my chosen pathway and was offered a position within government, which I accepted.
I had to work overseas for 3 months and my wife, well she took refuge in the arms of a fertility doctor she had been visiting, initially as a patient. When I returned home she was so much happier. I thought it was because she had missed me. Two month later she told me she was pregnant! I was ecstatic, overjoyed to finally have been able to give her what she had always wanted. We attended appointments together, and when we had a scan we were given our expected due date. Five months later. It wasn't possible. I had been overseas. I confronted her and she confessed her affair. We fought, I called her terrible names. I turned away from her and she tried to stop me. I span around and pushed her away from me and she fell. She lost the baby 3 days later. I continued to work, harder than ever, guilt for killing her baby and bitter disappointment I had not been it's father threatening to consume me.
We discussed our relationship mainly by phone and agreed to remain married for the sake of my career. My wife suggesting we adopt a child. She wanted someone to love, I wanted the image of a perfect family"

My heart literally stops.

"Yoongi isn't your son!!"

Jay shakes his head. I am floored by this revelation, my brain pulsing with all the thoughts and questions being formulated.
"Does he know?!" I ask, the shock I am feeling making my voice waver, my stomach turn over.

"I have never formally told him, but I'm sure he suspects. We have never been close. When he was small I was away from home more than I was there due to my work. My wife and I were married in name only at this point, and as he was not biologically my son I found it hard to bond with him. Our meetings were so infrequent. We really had no time to build a relationship, and my wife was always so possessive of him. They meant the world to each other alone, to the exclusion of all others. I resented him. I was jealous. The pursuit of a child, the pursuit of him, was what first tore us apart. His arrival killed any hope I had that we may resolve our issues and be happy again. I began to stay away from home as much as possible, only going home for holidays. As he grew their bond only increased, but he and I were very distant, our relationship very formal and stilted. I think he probably grew to dislike the holidays as much as me. I could never wait to get back to work, spending as much time in my home study as I could while I was there, and on more than one occasion I invented a crisis or conflict to allow me to leave early.
We do not look alike, we share no common interests, we do not work in the same field and he ruined my life. He also chooses to embarrass me with his so called music career. Despite having had classical piano tuition, achieving success in many competitions and being offered a position with the KBS symphony orchestra he preferred to join a pop group and pursue rap music"

Jay wrinkles his nose and snorts his disgust. I can't believe what I'm hearing. A little boy, overprotected and sheltered by one parent, totally neglected and despised by the other. How sad and confusing for him. He would have been better off if they had fully separated or divorced, but the preservation of the facade of their perfect life was too important to them both.
As Shay and Bo got older we discussed whether they would ever like to meet their father, or any siblings they may have. Neither had ever had any desire to meet their father, which made me happy, although I would assist them if they ever did change their minds. I never spoke badly of Jay, infact, I never spoke of Jay at all. Both kids had asked me questions about him once or twice when they were younger, and I always resolved to tell them the truth about him, but to not poison them against him.
Shay once asked me if his Daddy was a Tiger? I assured him that he was not. Bo wondered if he had 'stick on hair' like LEGO figures?! That was the totality of their interest in their Father.
They did however both express an interest in meeting any siblings they might have.
They now thought they had found a brother. They had not.

Jay continues to speak.

"You see why I was so surprised when you became pregnant!? My wife became pregnant after only 2 months of sex with another man. She and I had tried for children for 13 years without success. I didn't believe I could father children Mackenzie."

"As illuminating as all this has been Jay, I'm still at a loss as to why you are here? What does any of this have to do with me?"

"I have decided that I want a relationship with my actual biological children. I plan to have one, and I will do whatever it takes to convince you to allow that" he tells me, lazily spinning the gun on the table to emphasise the meaning of his words.

"After all these years you just decide that's what you want, forget what anyone else might want? Over my dead body Jay!"

"As you wish Mackenzie....... as you wish"