"Mrs Music"

Chapter 45

*Mackenzie pov

I am utterly exhausted. Mentally, physically and emotionally. I cannot sleep, I am unable to eat. I'm trying to keep a positive outlook, to find some edge, a chink in Jays plans. My key to freedom.
I'm sensing a shift in Jays attitude. I'm not quite sure what his new intentions are, but I'm sure his plan has changed. My feeling is that he has become bored with waiting for Yoongi, maybe deciding that he isn't coming to my rescue after all. I think he is reconsidering his options.
I must say, I am wondering if Yoongi will come for me too. I felt sure he would after a few days without hearing from me, but he is a very busy man who already missed lots of work because of me. He is also a considerate and kind man who could be allowing me time to reconnect with the kids. I hope he isn't coming. I don't want him in danger, I want him to stay safely away from me. Jay is my problem, and I am his!
This morning I am making the kids a special breakfast, the breakfast we always have on special occasions.
Eggs benedict, fresh fruit salad and French toast. It's a family tradition on holidays and birthdays, but also when someone needs a lift. I need a lift!!
I feel like my time might be running out so I want the kids to have some good last memories of me.
Shay is down first, led here by his stomach. He has always had an innate ability to smell food from a mile away! Bo only arrives at the table after a few phone calls to wake her. She is not a morning person. My kids really are like night and day in lots of ways. Where Shay is easy going and quite a joker, Bo is pretty highly strung and serious, but you couldn't ask for a kinder person. Both are very hardworking, and have long term life goals.
I feel emotional thinking about their futures as right now I don't feel like I will be around to witness them. I give my head a shake, pull back my shoulders and smile at them, the loves of my life, and place the food onto the table.
I have even plated up some food for Jay, who looks surprised but grateful as he takes a seat at the table beside Bo, who smiles, flashing her stunning and newly brace free teeth at him.

"Morning Mr Jeon" she chirps, having woken enough to lose the grumps.

"Please Bo, call me Jay. Mr Jeon doesn't suit me" he replies.

"Would you like some juice Mr Jeon?" I smile, offering him either cranberry or apple.

He eyes me suspiciously but accepts some cranberry juice. I recall with a smirk that he hates apple juice. The kids both take apple juice as they dislike cranberry juice. I have coffee. I try my hardest to eat something, as blaming jet lag for my lack of appetite is getting harder to sell to the kids. I manage about half of my French toast and a very small bowl of fruit salad before having to excuse myself to vomit. My anxiety is heightened, my stomach is in continuous knots. Not surprising really, I am eating breakfast with my potential murderer!

Once I am done vomitting in the bathroom I brush my teeth and return to the kitchen. Everyone is finished eating and the kids and Jay are talking about their dreams for the future.
Shay is into his 3rd year of a construction course. He is now quite an accomplished builder after buying and renovating two houses in his spare time already, with investments from me and his grandparents. He explains that his intention is to either continue to renovate and flip houses, or to work in restoration of listed buildings. He is so passionate about it. He has lots of plans for this very house.
Bo is about to start a teacher training degree. She has a special interest in languages and has a talent for learning them easily. She actually plans to live in Korea once she is qualified, so she can teach primary aged children English. She already speaks French and Spanish fluently, currently has a Japanese tutor who says she is a gifted student, and she is teaching herself Korean. This impresses Jay. He speaks to her in Korean and she replies! Jay nods his approval and tells her she is extremely smart, which causes a huge grin to spread across her face.
Once I have cleared away the dishes and tidied the rest of the kitchen we all go and dress for the day. As usual, Jay follows me to my room, but unusually he follows me inside. This scares me.

"Isn't it a shame that we can't all be a family together Mackenzie. I don't want to take you from the kids, but I feel I have no choice. You won't allow me a relationship with them, unless as you said yourself, you are dead" Jay mutters quietly

"Maybe I am prepared to discuss that now Jay? I want to see my kids age, build lives, have families. I want to see them marry and meet my grandchildren. Your plan for the future would harm them. I know you don't want to do that to them. You like them more than you expected dont you?!"

"They............ are............ so Uh-mayyy.........." he slurs. "So Amazzzz........" he continues to struggle to speak.

"Are you ok Jay?" I ask him as he flops onto my bed, falling onto his back

"Tired........ sleepy...... whadyoudooo?" he asks with raised brows, a small trickle of drool running down his cheek.

"Jay! I'm insulted! What could I possibly have done to you? You're in my face all the time"

He appears to be attempting to process my words but has now lost the power of speech, slurring nonsense and struggling to stand up. He manages to get to his feet and starts to stagger towards me like a newborn baby deer. He reaches a hand out toward me and his face is a twisted, hateful mask.

He drops to the floor, prostrate at my feet and closes his eyes. I step over him and look down upon him. I poke him with my foot and he responds by letting out the loudest snort I have ever heard, but does not move.

My sleeping tablets might not work in the dose prescribed by my doctor but they sure as hell work well when the dose is massively exceeded!!

I crushed them all up on my first night home while lying awake. I've been waiting for the right time to administer them. I wanted Jay to relax around me somewhat. To feel in control and comfortable in his power over me. I have behaved exactly as required for the last few days. This morning i decided was the right time. I emptied them into the cranberry juice, knowing that the already dry taste of that juice would not raise suspicion, and also knowing that neither of my kids would drink it.

I turn and leave the room, as quickly and quietly as I can, and lock the door. I love that every door in my home has a key lock. I put the key in my pocket and creep down the hall towards the kids rooms.