"Mrs Music"

Chapter 53

*Mackenzie pov

What have I done??!!!
I begin to feel the watery heat in my throat that signals I'm about to throw up!!
I've just watched Yoongi leave the restaurant without a word after suggesting I move to Seoul too. My words didn't exactly convey excitement to begin a new life in a new Country, and I don't think my face did either. He just went silent, got up and left!
I can't believe how incredibly stupid I am. I want nothing more than to be with Yoongi, wherever that is, and if it happens to be in Seoul and the kids are there then there really isn't anything left in England for me. That's what I felt.
So why didn't I say that??
Why didn't I jump for joy and hug and kiss him?
Why did I throw up ridiculous barriers and say I'd need time?
What must he feel now?

I rush to the bathroom and bring up every bit of food that I have eaten tonight. That'll teach me to be so greedy won't it!
Once my stomach is empty I return to the restaurant to find Shay and Namjoon are missing and just the girls are left at the table.

"They've gone to get Yoongi" Pippi says matter of factly, gesturing needlessly with a sweep of her arm across the empty spaces at the table.

"Mum, what's wrong?! What the hell could you possibly have to do here in England that means you can't come to Seoul? Everything can be done online today. Selling houses, drafting legal documents, board meetings. Everything! And the good thing about the WORLD. WIDE. WEB" she enunciates slowly "is that it is just that........... WORLD WIDE! That means you can do whatever it is you need to with the push of a button in Seoul as easily as here! Poor Yoongi mum. I think I actually heard his heart break! So what's going on?! Somethings up!? Talk to me!"

"I just need to organise some things, like whether I sell the house or rent it out, what I do with my shares in the company, and some other boring but necessary legal documentation, say goodbye to my parents and Mr and Mrs Santana........... and a few other things. I didn't say I wouldn't come, I just won't be coming tomorrow. I hope Yoongi understands that. Oh god! What if he doesn't!"

I rush back to the bathroom and dry heave until my mascara runs off my lashes. I try my best to clean up my face but it doesn't work. I leave the bathroom and beckon to Bo and Pippi I'll be outside when they are ready to leave. They follow me straight out.

"Jesus mum, pardon my French but you really look like shit!! What's wrong with you?"

"I'm sure it's just my anxiety playing up, I'm fine, honestly! Worried about Yoongi, and I'm going to miss you guys" I tell her reassuringly

We can't see or hear any sign of the guys but Shay's car is gone so we get into my car and Bo drives us the short distance home. Shay's car arrives in the driveway a couple of minutes after we do. Yoongi is pulled from the back of the car wrapped in a blanket, his face, hair and hands all covered in mud. He is almost blue in colour and he is visibly shivering.
Yet again I have caused him discomfort and pain.

"What the hell happened to him?" I question Namjoon as he and Shay go into the house holding all Yoongis weight between them.

"We found him a few hundred metres up a dirt road laying on his back in a puddle, screaming and swearing!" he reports. "He needs a hot shower, a warm drink, and some sleep"

It seems as if Namjoon has seen this before. "Has he been like this before" I ask while eyeing Yoongi, who is not moving a muscle, sitting in exactly the same position he was placed in a couple of minutes ago. Slumped in the chair, legs extended, shoulders sagging. His lips are parted but totally immobile. I don't think he has even blinked yet. He is catatonic!

"He has had down times, he has struggled with some mental health issues and eating disorders but he has never been like this" he tells me, nodding sadly.
"Severe stress and trauma cause it. He has been given a diagnosis by a psychiatrist but he won't take medications so we have to keep a close eye on him. I'll let him tell you about it when he's ready. Sometimes he will sit like this for hours, but it's usually days. He needs peace and rest. I'll get him showered and take him to my room to sleep if that is acceptable to you Kenzie. We have an early flight"

"Oh, yes, sure. Do whatever is best for him. Of course. What time are you leaving?"

"We have a minibus arriving to collect us all at 06:45. The flight had enough empty seats for Shay, Bo and Pippi. Shay has taken Pippi home to pack. They'll be back soon"

"Do you need any help with Yoongi?"

He shakes his head.

"I'll just go and start packing Bo and Shay's cases then. Call me if you need me"

I kiss Yoongi on the cheek and he continues to stare off into space, not a flicker of movement or recognition. I tell him I love him and still nothing. I turn away and make my way towards my room before he can see me cry.