Too Young

Chapter 6

Here's one of my favorite chapters of this book. As a writer, I've tried to pour my heart out into it and really really do hope you like it :)

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I looked over to my right and saw Harry awkwardly waiting for us in the doorway. I could see tears in his eyes as well. I broke off my hug from the boys, walked over to Harry and just wrapped my hands around his neck and started silently sobbing with my head on his shoulder with gentle shakes. He was surprised at first. Then softly wrapped his arms around my waist, rubbing soft circles on my back.

"Shh. It's okay. It's okay Lou. Let it all out. You're so strong love. So very strong..." he whispered in my ears while gently running his hand through my hair.

I held him tighter, if that were even possible as I continued to cry my eyes out in his arms. I missed that. So much. His touch. His voice. Him. I missed him so much.

"Haz, I'm sorry. I- " I sobbed out

"Shh shh. Louis William Tomlinson. Do not fckn apologise to me. You did not do anything wrong okay? You're so fckn brave and I'm so proud of you."

"I- I don't deserve a friend like you. Thank you so much for being here."

"Oh my god. Shut up. And please don't make me feel bad by saying it like I'm doing you a favor. I love you. Of course I'll be there for you. Always, yeah?"

"Yeah" I said, looking up into his eyes. A soft smile spreading on my face.

"Haz... I need to talk to you. I was going to after the performance but I already have too much on my mind and I definitely won't be able to hold it together if I don't talk to you know. Is that okay ?"

"Yeah of course Lou, you really don't have to ask to talk to me. I've missed talking to you so so much" he said, holding back tears as much as he can because I know he thinks he can't show his emotions because it's about me apparently.

I frown at that. Looking down, I say, "I'm sorry.. I- I missed you too"

"Hey, none of that now Lou. I know you. I know you'll never hurt anyone and I don't blame you a single bit. For anything. Now, what is it that you wanted to tell me love?" He said. My arms in his hands as he gently rubbed circles on them.

"I know Haz. And I know for a fact that you're just too nice a person and that's why you think this way but before getting into that. Let me tell you what I wanted to say before I convince myself otherwise. I don't have a lot of people in my life that I can truly be myself with. Like really, and I act so chill and just not talk to anyone and pretend like I don't care anyway because it would seem like I'm an idiot because the others don't care. But the truth is I kinda didn't want to admit it to myself either because it fuck'n hurts. I'm obviously the extrovert-introvert kinda friend who's probably too irritating to be around and so no one really bothers talking to me, but it genuinely and quite literally breaks my heart. I'm not even exaggerating. I try to distract myself so much by just being busy and filling up my schedule to the fullest but even that has stopped helping. Like I don't have much energy left in me and I'm too tired to even eat at this point. I know you probably hate me too much to even care by now and I don't blame you because I'm sure you didn't want to be with a basket case anyway but you're still one of my "best" friends and I need to explain myself. I think. So... It was just getting too much and you know I don't exactly work best when a billion thoughts are spiraling in my mind, so I gave in to the pressure. I felt it was unfair to have you tied down to me and my problems when so many would give anything to be with you. When you didn't try to talk me out of it even once, my thoughts got the confirmation they needed

"Lou.."

" No, wait, just stop for a minute and listen to me. Please. With all the time, alone with just my thoughts nagging at me constantly, I realised a few things. Firstly, I might seem extremely outgoing and have a lot of friends but I'm not. I'm lonely inside and though I don't like to admit it, even to myself, the outgoing part of me is a natural act to mask how much I actually hide my feelings. I just can't truly open up to anyone at all, because it takes me a lot of time to actually trust a person and you're the one person I trust with my life, Haz. So as cliche as it may sound, it was me and my problems and insecurities, not you and it's the truth. I know you may never want to talk to me ever again for multiple reasons but I just wished you wouldn't turn all that affection you had towards me into hate because I can't live with that. I don't have a lot of people or anyone to talk to at this point because I have to be strong for my siblings and everyone else because I'm the oldest and I have to be brave for my fans and I'm sure you all have your problems and I don't want to burden you with any of mine because I already feel like such a burden every time I'm with all of you. It just feels like no one wants me around, to be honest, but they just have to have me because I'm there, and if I complain or whine bout anything they'd get too irritated to even pretend to like me anymore so whatever truly goes on inside of me, stays in me, and these could just be my insecurities but that's how my mind works. Do you think I don't miss everyone? Or that I wanted this? It hurts every time someone says I'm the worst amongst the five and the worst part is that I know it's true but there's nothing I can do about it. And then I have fuck'n no one to talk to. Like at all. And just everything hurts at this point and I haven't eaten or slept properly in so long. Umm.. so what I want to say is... I just want to know if you still... you know.. Wanna be with me? Maybe? because as pathetic as I may sound I can't lose you, Harry. You're one of the only ones I felt safe enough with. Like "home" and I know you probably don't want that or you'd have asked me yourself but I can't live with the burden of "what ifs". So here I am, pouring my heart out to you, hoping you'd forgive me and give me back just a little bit of your heart. That's all I'm asking for. That's all. Sorry for ranting. You don't have to say anything if you don't want to. I- I don't know what.. um.. I.. yeah." I slowly opened my eyes as I finished, scared to see the look on Harry's face.

But instead, 

"Louis" I turned around instantly at the voice to see Steve holding out a hand for me. Seeing the confused look on my face, he said, "Didn't you hear, they just announced our performance mate. We need to go on stage to set up"

"Oh.." I looked at Harry. He couldn't hold in his tears anymore so he was standing, sobbing ever so silently. My arms still in his hand. He pulled me into a soft hug and I instantly eased into his touch.

"Louis.. Break a leg out there and don't think about anything else. I love you and I'm so fuckn proud of you" he whispered against my ear, slowly rubbing my back and then with a heavy heart, I went out on stage.

I had a mask on. Not the one you're thinking though. I had a smile on to mask the pain behind it so no one would know what I was going through. With that, Steve and I started our performance as I tried my best not to think about what Harry will say or how proud me mum would have felt if she were here right now or how Zayn still hadn't shown up. There were thousands of people all around. Simon was there too and I was starting to freak out.

So I looked over towards the backstage as Harry gave me a small thumbs up.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and started singing.

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I'm crying. I may not be a very good writer to express this properly and this is my first ever fic as I hope to write more in the future but I'm still crying because just imaging them hurting. so much. ouch.

Please send in your thoughts and opinions and don't forget to vote too loves. thankyou.

Love, P :)

TPWK !