Impulse (NaNoWriMo)

~1~

The camera flash blinded me for the millionth time and all I wanted to do was get out of there. I was tired of the smiling, the thanking, the pretending.

"Faith! Come over here and join your sister!" my mother called to me from across the yard.

Why? Why couldn't my sister come over to me? Oh right, because she was the perfect one. She was the better one.

I trudged over to where Grace, the epitome of perfection, was standing between our grandparents. Reluctantly I squeezed in beside her and noticed her three inch pink wedges made her look even more sophisticated, especially next to my beat up converse which I thought the dress my mother made me wear would cover. I was wrong.

"Smile pretty!" my mother encouraged, her perfect teeth flashed as she motioned for us to do the same.

I did. And now I am one smile away from breaking the camera in half so I wouldn't have to smile anymore.

"Oh Grace! Congratulations on Valedictorian! I always knew you could do it!" a random stranger greeted Grace.

They never thought I would. Nope. Fourth in a class of 412 wasn't good enough, not when your twin sister was number one.

Grace acted as if it was a surprise to her too, even though I knew it had been her number one goal since she could pronounce valedictorian. I knew because it had been mine too.

I avoided as many people as I could and snuck out to my favorite spot in my backyard. It was this rock behind the row of pine trees and I came out here and looked at the vast cornfield before me often. It was where I ranted to nobody and wished I could be a different person, one that wasn't constantly compared to her sister and who actually had the guts to stand up for herself.

Too bad I couldn't even go to a different college than her.

Full rides to the Indiana University baby. Let's throw a party, oh right, that's what is going on right now.

I stayed out on the rock until I heard my dad calling for me. He understood how much I hated these things, but he still made me attend, for mother's sake.

By then the sun was heading down along the horizon and most of the people had moved on to other parties thrown by other families on other streets. Thank the Lord.

Grace was still doing her valedictorian duty and chatting it up with the remaining guests, most of which were her friends who were begging her to go to some party out in the country.

Notice I said her friends, not mine.

Sure I knew them and yes we had grown up together and I knew who they liked when we were 12 and how many times they had each watched the Notebook together, but I had not once considered them my true friends.

They didn't know who my favorite band was or why I only liked the chocolate part of the Oreo, they were always more interested in what Grace liked and why she could curl her hair perfectly in ten minutes without breaking a sweat.

"Help your mother clean up and I'll make sure there is a leftover piece of chocolate cheesecake in the fridge with your name on it," my dad bribed, kissing my forehead and ushering me over to the food table.

He sure knew the way to my heart.

"Daddy can I go with Angela and Lizzie to this party at Jesse's? It's for the whole senior class! A graduation party for everyone! I'll drive and I promise I won't drink and if-"

"Alright, of course you can go sweetheart," our dad cut her off, he knew she would be safe, she always was, "How 'bout you take your sister too."

"No. No way. Parties are not my scene," I protested before Grace could begin to drag me along. There was no way I was missing that cheesecake tonight.

"Suit yourself. Let's go! Bye dad! Love you!" Grace called over her shoulder as she linked arms with Angela and Lizzie and practically skipped towards the driveway.

"You should get out more," my dad suggested, his eyes meeting mine as he followed me to the trash can with a pile of leftover food.

"Maybe next year," I joked. It was the running joke of the family. I never did anything and always said 'maybe next year' until now, when my senior year is over and there isn't anything I can do to get it back.

My dad just shook his head and chuckled softly, "Suit yourself," he echoed my sister.

~~~~~~~

As soon as the last party decoration was thrown away and the little black graduation caps that had been scattered everywhere had been swept up, I was finally able to retire to my room.

My room is another one of my favorite places, because I am the only one allowed in. Call my parents crazy or something, but they told my sister and I that our rooms were for us alone and nobody would enter unless they had permission.

That's how my room turned into a mix between a British coffee house and a high end lounge. I had a sofa bed and one of those bubble chairs that hung from the ceiling that I wanted after I watched the Cheetah Girls. The colors on the walls were black and silver with orange pillows and a white furry rug to go with. Somehow it worked, and I loved it.

I had the piece of cheesecake my dad promised and a whole season of Supernatural to catch up on. I snuggled up in my favorite chair and lugged my laptop with me.

I had graduated today. I was finally done with high school and here I was, sitting alone in my room not out celebrating like the rest of my class. Oh well, I was happy like this, or at least that's what I would keep telling myself anyway.

I would never be my sister, no matter how much we shared from our light brown hair and green eyes to the splash of faint freckles on our noses. I would never be better than her, smarter than her, kinder than her. Not even if I tried. Sometimes I just wish I was an only child, ya know?