Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Please this is so boring. What is even the point? I never knew a picnic of all things could go on for so long! Still, its nice to be able to sit down for a while, calm my nerves after my talk with Søren. I don't know what to think. I've always hated him for not beign around, for acting like I was just some mistake to forget about. But then again... could thing really change? Could I have a Father, a proper one?
Then there's the burnt sheets.
I don't understand, whats happening to me. It's been three days since I burnt my night dress and nothing more has happened but I still feel... of. I'm not hot exactly but I feel a little warmer. It's nice but... I'm worried someone will notice something. "Yana, are you feeling okay?" Its Mother. I take a deep breath, "Fine just... I think might have a fever." She frowns, concerned.
"Why do you way that?" She presses the back of her hand to my forehead, "You're not too hot, you seem fine Yana."
"Then why did you ask if I was feeling okay?" I ask. She smiles at me, like its joke.
"Because I love you?" I roll my eyes and she laughs. I love her laugh. It feels safe. "You just seemed a bit nervous, that's all."
"Well..." I shrug my shoulders, unsure what to tell her. The truth? "I'm okay, I miss Ampelio I guess." I think back to my conversation and wonder. Will they get engaged right away or wait until they are older. Do Kings even marry? At least I know Amiliy loves him. That much was clear form our little talk. Mother's eyes soften, "I know honey but he's doing really great. He'll be back soon." She gives my hand a little squeeze and turns back to the conversation.
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After a full day of pretending to be fine and ignoring-the-fact-that-everyone-hates-me, I'm grateful to be alone in my room. The second the door is shut I release a long breath and slump against the door. It's been a long day. I consider asking Ampelio if he wants to play chess or cards out on the veranda like we do some days to relax. It's not until I reach for the door handle when I realise with a jolt that he isn't here. I've never spent so much time away from my brother. I've left Astrea a few times, been to Goraki and Lyria and the likes, but we always went together. I feel safe when I'm with him, protected by my big brother's side. It's silly really, but with him gone everything feels a little off-kilter. I begin to turn away from the door when I spot a scrap of folded paper, shoved under my door. I don't know why I look. It's the same every time but I can't seem to help my self. I unfold the note.
"Fuck off and die."
Written in bold black letters. I sigh and crumple the letter, dropping it into the bin. Dear Sender, I wish I could.
I peel back the rug to discover a couple more.
"I'd slap you but I've heard Kalovaxia is contagious."
"No wonder Ampelio's run off to the Talvera's, must be hard to look at your face every day without punching it."
The last one stings the most. My fist tightens around it, squeezing the paper in my fist. How could Ampelio leave me here? Surely he must know, surely he must see whats going on! Doesn't he notice the looks I get, sharp daggers thrown when no one is looking. Not even Mother has noticed the change in me. Why can't they see the hate I get! Don't they care?
I feel my fist growing hotter as the edges of the note dig into skin.
Ampelio has it easy, he's loved. Nobody understands, nobody even cares.
Maybe they do see. Maybe they just don't care.
I cry out in anguish and throw the balled up note to the ground. I lift my foot to stamp out my anger but I see no note. Cautiously, I lift my hand.
A scream rips from my throat.
Ashes.
There is nothing left but ashes.
What have I become?
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Søren's child (Ash Princess fanfic)
Fanfiction(16 years later) What if Theodosia and Søren had children? Meet Ampelio and Yana. Ampelio is loved as Astrea's heir and his likeness to his Mother. Yana is hated for her Kalovaxian looks and rumoured father, Søren. While Yana tries to come to terms...
