A/N - Warning, this chapter contains mentions of suicide and self-harming.
I begin to panic, chest rising and falling over and over. I feel like I'm falling.
I am a monster.
I am hated.
I am worthless.
I drop the remains of the note and reach for the dagger I keep wedged behind my dresser. I went through a faze not so long ago were I thought Ophelia was trying to kill me so I stole a wepon form the armory and stashed it there. I no longer think Ophelia's a threat to my life
I am.
I hold the dagger in my hand, my back to the door, and feel the weight of it in my hands. I run a finger along the blade's cool edge, relishing in the sting as it slices my finger. I turn it over. Am I really about to do this? What about Mother? And Ampelio?
And Søren?
No, I have to do this. I have to end it now.
I think back to the note I left on Ophelia's door, written in my blood.
'Redeem yourself.'
She wouldn't understand it until it was to late. Cruel, possibly, but she deserves it. Maybe she really will try to do better next time. I hear the door crash open and turn to see my mother standing in the doorway, "Yana whats wrong, I heard a scream." She moves towards me then spots the dagger in my hand, "Yana what are you doing with that? Have you cut yourself?" Not yet. I sigh. "No, Mother..." She frowns,
"Yana, are you alright darling?" I bite my lip. She takes a step towards me, "Yana, I heard what happened with Søren and-"
"NO Mother! Just stop it!" My anger rose and threatened to boil over. I was furious. Fruious with her for not seeing, furious with Søren for not being there and bloody furious at myself for what I'm about to do. "Yana!" Mother looked ash pale and... scared. "Yana what are you going to do with that d-"
"I'm going to KILL MYSELF! What do you think I'm going to do with it!?" Mother mouth hung open as the force my words hit her. I caught my breath, shoulders shaking with anger. I felt awful for my outburst but it also felt good, really good.
Mother began to stutter,"Yana why would you-"
"Why? WHY?!" I throw my hands up, the dagger tip slicing air, "Why do you think? Everyone hates me!" I yell, letting all my pent up anger out. Finally saying what I have always wanted to. I feel violent, I feel angry, I feel powerful. I begin to tick the reasons of on my fingers with the dagger point, "The court hates me, the country hates me, my peers hate me. I hate me!" I point the dagger at her accusingly, "but you never saw." I spit. "You never saw my pain!" I take a deep breath and release it slowly. "I... I love you Mother." I say, softer now, "but you never saw." She puts a hand to her mouth, fingers shaking. I see her eyes are wet. What have I done? I've hurt her, shut her too deeply. She'll blame herself now. But I can't stay here, especially not now.
What have I done? What have I done? What have I done?
"Yana," Mother whispers, "I'm sorry. I- I know that means nothing to you but I am. I was too blinded by my love for you to see that my people didn't love you as much as me." She smiles sadly, hands clasped in front of her. I see a million new lines on her face, the glassy tears in her eyes and the fall and drop onto her cheeks. "I realise now that I might have seemed... biased to Ampelio," I clench my jaw. "but Yana that was never the case." She smiles again, "I always hoped I'd have a daughter like you to do all the things my Mother did with me when I was small." You'd only see the grief in Mother's words if you were looking, its so deep down. "When I was the Ash Princess... I was ridiculed, laughed at and abused. And it was... hard. But I got through it and so can you-" I shake my head.
"No, Mother I can't."
"Yana please-"
"No, let me do this, please!" I turn the dagger and point it to my heart, hands shaking. It so much harder knowing someone will miss you. Will ache for you. Break when you're gone. But I have to do this. My voice breaks, "I'm s-sorry Mother, but I c-can't do this anymore." Mother lunges towards me, hand outstretched as I plunge the dagger down-
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Søren's child (Ash Princess fanfic)
Fanfiction(16 years later) What if Theodosia and Søren had children? Meet Ampelio and Yana. Ampelio is loved as Astrea's heir and his likeness to his Mother. Yana is hated for her Kalovaxian looks and rumoured father, Søren. While Yana tries to come to terms...
