purpose of life | y.sh x s.sj

[ II ] darkness

tw: slight suicide talk, depression

Shuhua

"It's a shame, someone so pretty and young doesn't deserve to take her life so soon."

I could feel myself being shook vigorously. Is this the angels' ways of telling me that I can enter the afterlife?

"Yeh Shuhua, open your eyes... please." A soft and low voice spoke out of the void.

I did what the voice told me and I opened my eyes slowly. I was greeted by a surrounding of trees and a blinding white lights.

Maybe I reached Heaven after all.

"Shuhua! You're awake!" That same voice from before sobbed as they pulled me into a hug.

Is this angel crying?

We pulled away from the embrace and I could see this angel's face.

"W-who are you?" I asked.

"Y-yah, Shuhua don't do that to me." She sounded worried.

I rubbed my eyes again and everything became clear. The blinding white light, the trees.... this was all fake.

This wasn't heaven... I didn't die.

But how? I remembered falling off a building.

"Yuqi..." I said and pulled her close to me.

I began to cry, crying away everything. My friend didn't say anything, all she did was stroke my back and held me tight.

After a few minutes, she let me go and looked at me with sad and sympathetic eyes.

"Are you okay to tell me what happened?" She asked me.

I nodded my head and began to tell her everything that I've been going through.

Before the fall, I grew great depression and sorrow. I've been told many things in high school and even in the first years of college. I told myself that it's okay to hear what they say and be confident around others. But as soon as I got older, it all felt like an avalanche crashing down on me. I was completely wrong.

I've always thought that it was because I was foreigner and that people discriminated me.

But no, it was all because of who I was.

Those homophobic monsters kept throwing words at me as if they were knives. Still, I took them head on and corrupted my mental health.

Every day after school, I came home crying. Telling myself that I didn't deserve to be around anymore.
One day, I just snapped.

I was tired of being empty...

I was tired of hiding...

I was tired of living...

Eventually I started to let the darkness consume me. My inner demons feasting on my broken soul. So then, I let myself go down the path of constant thoughts of self-harm.

I started to think of life without me.

I was left alone. No one cared to save me, they could barely notice. I thought I could handle it, but everything caved inwards.

My once enlightened self was gone.

That happened for months up until now. I left my last words in a letter in my room for someone to find it. Only to jump and send myself into the afterlife.

But here I am, still alive in this damn world.

"Shuhua... I-I'm sorry for not looking out for you." Yuqi cried, "I read everything in the note, a-and I feel so selfish leaving you alone."

"I know things won't change so quickly, but just so you know... I'll be right here with you." She assured me, "always."

"Thank you." That was all I could say.

Having Yuqi here was somewhat reassuring, but I'm so confused. I remembered falling off a building...

There was no way I could've survived...

"It's a shame, someone so pretty and young doesn't deserve to take her life so soon."

That sentence. It repeated in my head multiple times.

If that wasn't an angel, what was it? There was no chance I could've been caught from that fall.

"Shuhua? You there?"

I blinked a couple times and snapped back into reality.

"S-sorry." I gave her a small smile.

"Don't sweat it. Come on... let's go home." Yuqi said as she stood up and grabbed my hand.

"Alright then." I agreed with her followed.

Maybe it was just a miracle...

Soojin

"That poor girl, I feel so bad for her." Minnie said as we looked at them from above.

We heard everything that girl said even from this distance. From what I heard, she's gone through severe depression.

"That goes to show how monstrous humans can be. Emotions are their most painful weapons and weaknesses." I told her.

"But this one, she's different... I don't know why."

"Woah, are you smiling... like, sincerely?" Minnie commented.

I was caught off guard. I was?

"N-no." I denied.

"Tsk, they can't see us. We're on a building for god's sake." She clicked her tongue, "come on, it's obvious you're smiling."

"Tch, fine. Maybe I am."

"I've never seen you like this. What happened?" She said trying to suppress her giggle.

"Hey, I can smile you know!" I glared at her and she raised a teasing brow.

"What makes this girl so special?" She asked.

*sigh*

"She was deciding her fate. I didn't even notice my body was moving to try and save her. I guess it was because she was too young to die so soon." I looked down at the young pair from a distance.

"You really do have a heart." Minnie said as she dramatically wiped a fake tear from her eyes, which practically begged me to hit her.

"You make it sound like I'm a horrible demon." I rolled my eyes.

"Well knowing you, you haven't took notice to anyone. Like the Soojin I know doesn't spare some mortal."

"Whatever... I just wanted to check on her." I muttered.

"Wait- What was that? Did I hear that right?" She smirked at me.

"I said "how did I become friends with this idiot?"." I said and she was taken aback with her mouth hanging.

"Are you just going to stand there with your open? Moths can fly in there, you know." I asked her as I put my hands on my hips.

"Yes ma'am..." She sulked.

"Tch, stop sulking. Let's just go home and I'll cook you something or whatever." I sighed.

"Yay!"

Aish, This girl.

As we made our way home, I couldn't stop thinking about that girl. Millions of questions flew into my mind. Who was she? What's her name?

That girl was different from the others. But why?

I never took a liking to those imbeciles, but she emitted a different aura than the rest.

Still, I know my priorities. I can't get distracted and this girl isn't going to throw me off.

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oh god i didn't mean for this to go dark, whoops-