Nemesis ~ {PJMxR}

28: What if?

Jimin sits beside me at dinner. He's been acting all... floppy. He seems tired, too tired to filter his personality. Ji-ae naturally dominates the conversation as she always does. She asks So-yi about her studies, plans, family, and the rest of the family listens into the conversation. It's another lovely meal, as they always are when the Parks and Jungs dine together. Only now I don't enjoy the meals half as much. Cheol and I used to sit together and chat and now it's all eyes on So-yi.
Why is Ji-ae giving her so much attention anyway? She understands my feelings well enough to know this would bother me.
I roll my eyes at myself. I'm being really immature and I'm well aware of it. I just wish I cared enough to change that. Jimin's head flops downward as though he suddenly fell asleep. I glance at him concerned. Not too concerned though, because why would I for Jimin?
Heh.
Jimin's head droops onto my shoulder. My immediate reaction is to yell "Hey! Get off."
But then my stomach flips, reminding me that I don't really know what I even do with Jimin anymore. Before anyone can see him like that, I gently nudge him off and he wakes up properly.
After dinner, we all head into the living room and once again, Jimin drops down onto the cushion beside me but this time he doesn't touch me. During the entire movie, I replay every out-of-character moment between Jimin and I. The moments we had at the beach cabin, from him massaging me with aloe vera to me chasing him on the beach while he held my bikini top, all of those moments seem so insignificant. The emotional drainage from those moments, so small in comparison to the times when he kissed me. At least I was only embarrassed those times, the times when he kissed me I was confused. Embarrassment fades but bewilderment is forever.

A soft moan sounds right beside my ear and I jump a little. I glance to the side and find Jimin's face turned towards me. He's sleeping. Full-on sleeping. He moans again gently.
Right. Next. To. My. Ear.

"Jimin," I hiss, nudging him roughly.

"Wha?" He mumbles.

"Stop it," I whisper.

"Stop what," He grumbles. "Sleeping? What is it, you don't want me to rest now?"

"Are you okay?" I cock an eyebrow. He seemed fine before. But during dinner he appeared to grow exhausted.

"No, you already keep me up at night."

I gape at him.

"Ew, I'm joking," he says quickly.
He says it so lifelessly though, I wonder if he really is joking or not.

♦︎ ♦︎ ♦︎

Jimin's POV

I've got this feeling in my gut. One that I can't shake no matter how hard I try. And trust me, I have tried really, really hard. It's a feeling that stops my heart whenever I see her. A feeling that makes me empty when away from her and even emptier when I'm with her. Empty because I know I can't have her... yet. I don't even know what I'm doing, but I just know that I can't keep going on like this. I have to do something. Because it really hurts.