Nemesis ~ {PJMxR}

35: All that wasn't said

I keep my head ducked, eyes fixed on the forest floor as we trudge back to the campsite. Soomin, as always seems to understand my need for silence, she barely speaks at all and doesn't press me for answers. She and Mr Kim hold onto our wet clothing, treating Jimin and I like feverish children. I don't feel, shivery or achey, but the only way I can describe what took over me in that cave was a sudden fever. A fever that shook me to my bones. A fever that destroyed my judgement.
We arrive back at the campsite, Taehyung and Mrs Kim spring up from chairs in relief as they see our group returning. They're rugged up in boots, jackets and scarves and have clearly just gotten back from their own searching party.

"Oh! Thank heavens, I was praying that you'd find them when we couldn't!" Mrs Kim gasps, pulling me into a hug. "The rain is just letting up and I've managed to light a small fire, you both better change clothes and then warm up quick."

I nod wordlessly and head for the tent, I can hear the soft footfalls of Jimin behind me. I unzip the tent door, pull the flap back and then stand back, tent flap still in hand. I look at Jimin, or rather his chest, and gesture for him to go in first.

"No, you should dress first," he says meekly.

I simply nod and disappear inside the tent.
I peel off my damp clothes, shivering as the cold air washes over my skin, my hairs stand on end, my arm's skin covered in goose bumps. I don't have a towel to dry my damp skin so instead I just gently pull fluffy sweat pants and a sweater over my fragile feeling body. I don't quite know why I feel so weak, perhaps it's everything mixed together that makes me knees feel like collapsing under the weight of my stupidity. One moment of weakness, that's all it takes.

I unzip the tent door, and step out into the fresh evening air. Jimin's hands jerk nervously as I appear, it looks like he means to pull me aside, but I blatantly ignore his gaze and contact. I swerve away from him and hurry back to the campsite, with the knowledge that I'm being a crappy person. A real asshole.

I kissed him. This time, it's not his fault. But no matter who's fault it is, I'm always the one to put up a wall. I'm always the one to act cold and distant. I've never actually hated Jimin, I've acted like it a million times though. But only he can repeatedly make me feel comfortable after so many arguments, only he can force me to refresh myself each and every time I see him.

But I don't understand his intentions with the things he does. I know him so well, but I can never really read what he's feeling, what he's thinking. I can no longer pretend to know what he schemes. I mean, there were one or two occasions on this trip when I thought, 'AHAH! I'm right, Jimin likes Soomin'. But I honestly don't know anymore, I don't even know how I feel about it if he does like her.

I don't know what Jimin thinks of me. I just don't want to hear what he has to say about my "sexual assault" on him in that cave. It's all too embarrassing.

"How are you feeling?" Soomin asks as I near the fire.

"Better," I lie.

Mrs Kim throws a heavy blanket over my shoulders and sits me down on the chair closest to the fireside.