Behind the Scenes

4

a/n
this one made me cry 🙁
♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎

lately the feeling

the urge

the urge for me to physically harm myself has gotten stronger

sometimes i don't have the will power to stop it

i found myself at 3 in the morning with a knife in my hands

fighting myself.
me.

the rain was hitting against the windshield of the silver van

kairi in the passenger seat

as his mom was driving him to school

"mom can we talk" kairi asked turning to face his mother as she drove down the wet road

"later kairi can't you see i'm driving" she replied back her voice laced with annoyance

"okay" the boy said barely above a whisper as he turned back to face the window

for the rest of the ride
he raced rain drops down the window

finally he arrived at school

he hopped out of the car grabbing his bag

but before he even had a chance to tell his mother bye

she had already sped off

she was gone

to say the least
the small boy was hurt

he sighed
pulling up his hood

and walked up the steps to the school doors

the whole day kairi had kept to himself
he didn't feel like talking to anyone

not even his friends

they didn't seem to notice that he was gone either

the day was finally over

the boy waited on the steps for his mother to come pick him up like she said she would

she never came

kairi sighed making his way home

the walk was about 35 minutes
but it was okay

kairi thought
she probably had something important to do

when the boy arrived home

he met his mother and little sister cuddled up on the couch watching tv

oh
the boy thought

that's what was so important

he sighed yet again
walking in front of the television asking the same question from earlier

"mom can we talk please"

"later i'm busy with maiya right now go away" she replied

that's exactly what he did

he went away

he went up to his room and stayed there for the next 5 hours
until that strong urge came back

at this point he knew if he didn't get help soon something drastic would happen

again the boy went to his mother
in hopes that she would actually listen to him and get him the help he needed

"mom can we talk" kairi asked for the third time today

"yes kairi what could you possibly want now?" she asked her voice sharp and her tone was unreadable to the small boy

he was taken aback a bit

but proceeded to talk anyway

he started
"i feel as if i-"
but he was soon cut off by his mother

"you feel? you feel as if you what? you're wasting my time it's all your doing. you can't even get straight A's and your on about how you feel? why don't you ask how i feel for a change?" she spoke harshly at the boy

tears threatened to spill from his eyes as she continued

"go to your room, you feel?....get out of my face with this crap" she finished

kairi nodded not wanting to escalate the situation
he slowly and lightly walked up the stairs
with tears streaming down his face

he sat on his bed looking at the pictures of him and his friends that were stuck to the wall

as if he was reliving every single memory in the pictures

he finally smiled before whispering to himself

"i tried"