Parallel Hearts (Parallel Hearts Trilogy, #1)

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Six months ago I wasn’t afraid of wanting more, doing more and achieving more. I was in a safe place where opportunities lived and my family wasn’t dead. Even through all of life’s obscurities, I was able to see my future clearly because I knew where I belonged. But now, each morning I wake up is just another day further from the last time I saw them and I’m scared, scared of the time passing by telling me to move on, telling me to let go.

As I come to the surface, I take in a deep breath of air and let the early morning sun warm my sallow face. Gazing up at the cloudless blue sky, I let myself float in the cool water, wondering if I’ll ever see my family again, wondering if the sick feeling in my stomach will ever go away. I close my eyes, losing myself in the stillness of the water.

These past six months have left me with a heavy heart, and I feel completely numb inside, like someone removed all my inner workings and replaced them with ice cubes. I’m still waiting for the moment when I’ll wake up from this nightmare and be brought back to life. I need Kayla to come back and rescue me, to show me how to climb out of this lonely depression. I need her. Why hasn’t she come home?

For weeks after the accident, I searched for miles up and down the riverside in the freezing cold, hoping to find evidence of my sister’s existence. I found nothing. A part of me is still convinced she’s out there somewhere, but another part, perhaps an even bigger part, is starting to realize she may never find her way back to me.

My swim team’s dream of going to Nationals sank with the loss of Kayla and my parents. We could have brought in a replacement swimmer, but I couldn’t bring myself to race without my sister. It wouldn’t have been right. Nationals was supposed to be something special and probably a once in a lifetime opportunity. I made the decision if Kayla couldn’t go, then neither could I. My coach Tara, along with Sidney and Marcie completely understood, and I don’t think they felt good about going without Kayla either.

I’ve been in counseling sessions twice a week since the incident. My annoyingly positive psychologist, Dr. Jennings, has been nothing but patient and understanding, but she wants me to take the next steps in starting to move on with my life. I keep telling her moving on is easier said than done. It’s hard to move forward when I keep looking behind me. As difficult as it is for me to admit, this would all be easier if there was proof of Kayla’s death. But because they didn’t find a body, I’m left living in limbo, waiting and still looking for her smiling face wherever I go.

The loss of my mother’s necklace has also left me feeling unsettled. I can’t understand how it went missing and who would have taken it. It’s difficult accepting any sense of closure, when you know someone out there is unrightfully holding a piece of your deceased mother’s soul.

“Anna!” my grandmother calls, standing on the floating dock and blocking the morning sun with her thin figure.

My eyes flutter open and the sick feeling is back.

“Anna, dear, you need to get ready for school. Marcie is going to be here in twenty-five minutes and you don’t want to be late for your last exam.” She bends down and dips her soiled hands in the sparkling blue water. She must have been gardening in the front yard because there are pieces of grass and splotches of dirt covering her knees. She has her shoulder length silver hair pinned off her face, and sunglasses cover her gentle blue eyes, the same eyes she shared with my mother. Her graceful face shines in the reflection of the water, just as delicate and beautiful as her name – Elsa.

I groan at the thought of having to go to school. I hate the pathetic sidelong glances people give me in the hallways, like I’m some kind of foreign creature. They can’t relate to my situation and it scares them realizing being eighteen doesn’t make you immortal. Most days it’s easier not to look anyone in the eye. I don’t need to have a mournful expression from a stranger to remind me what I lost. I’m reminded of it every day when I wake up and realize I have to start another day without them. “I’ll be right there,” I mutter, dunking my head under the water one last time; one last escape before I have to face the monster that is today. I scream underwater knowing no one will hear a sound.