Parallel Hearts (Parallel Hearts Trilogy, #1)

Chapter 16

Chapter 16

It’s been almost two weeks since I heard Aaden utter the words that so viciously ripped holes in my heart, and I can’t believe I’m here all over again: lost and alone­—paralyzed by the loss of something that was never mine.

It’s unsettling to think how someone’s opinion can hold so much power over you­—how their words can dictate what you feel and how you see yourself. As much as we try to push past it and put on a brave face, none of us are immune to the people we care about the most. 

Now, as I look at myself in the mirror, I see the same girl with suffering engraved across her face as if it never left, and I remember her all too well. I wish I would have known back then what I’ve come to know now. If I had, I wouldn’t have let him fill my heart until there was no space left for anything but him. But I’m the one who made the mistake of letting him break down my walls, and for that, I must face the aftermath.  

All of this has left me feeling too much, and I don’t know how much longer I’m going to last. Once again, I’m just getting by, treading water only to stay afloat when all I want to do is sink.

I know she’s long gone, that’s she’s not here anymore, but all I want is for Kay to take me with her­—to a place where nothing can hurt me, to a place where pain can’t find me because I’m tired. Tired of pretending I belong somewhere and with someone when I don’t.

Did I imagine all of it? Did I fabricate an impossible story in my mind?

As I stand in front of the mirror, face to face with the person I was just beginning to know again, tears begin to fill my eyes, but I blink them away, refusing to let them fall. “Stop it,” I firmly tell myself. “Do not be that girl. Don’t let him do this to you.” Aaden is neither your beginning nor your ending, I try to convince myself. He is nothing but a chapter in your life with an unwritten conclusion­­—write it, finish it, close it and let him go.

Gram has kept her distance since that heart wrenching night and I think I know why.  Later that evening, I heard her standing outside my bedroom door, listening to me cry myself to sleep. She didn’t come in or offer any words of compassion. She just stayed right outside my door, all night long, listening and standing guard. But at one point, when all was quiet and when the sweet release of sleep finally overcame my sobs and seized the aching in my chest, I thought I heard her crying, too.

It’s funny how your heart can play tricks on you. How everything I thought I was feeling and seeing wasn’t what it appeared to be. I wonder if life sometimes gives us more pain than we can handle. Like a select few of us are being tested to see how much we can take before we crash and burn. I’m not ready to check out of the place, but the scar on my bandaged heart bleeds a little more with every beat.

Sitting nested in my Papasan chair, I feel like an abandoned baby bird as I stare out the window and wonder if he ever thinks of me. I know Aaden’s out there somewhere­—looking on while I stay hidden and pick up the pieces of my broken heart. I don’t want him to think I hate him, because I don’t. I’m mad at myself for letting my heart believe in something that was never there­—for lying to me. He warned me not to ­—made me promise not to, and I should have listened. I should have known better. I took a risk when I made the choice to listen to my heart instead of my mind.

When I finally find the strength to descend into the quiet kitchen, there’s a note left on the counter and I recognize Gram’s curved handwriting, letting me know she’s out running errands. She’s avoiding me and I honestly don’t mind.

Hiding in the house feeling sorry for myself isn’t going to change anything. It isn’t going to chase away the feelings I’ve mistakenly developed for Aaden, or make me forget about him. If anything, sitting around and waiting for something to happen is making it worse. All I feel is sick and I‘ll do anything to make the pressure in my chest go away. I need to find a way to climb out of this dark hole. I need to get out and release the negative energy that has been eating me alive.