SOONHOON COLLECTION

ʜᴀʙɪᴛᴜᴀʟ ᴡᴏʀᴅs (𝟺/𝟻)

"And then he left?"

"Yes, he left," Soonyoung replied as he paced around the room back and forth, Jeonghan only nodding along as he listened.

"Without saying another word?"

"Of course he didn't say anything else," Soonyoung rolled his eyes. "Why would he?"

"I don't know," he shrugs. "I'm just asking questions cause I don't know what else to say."

"Well, great," Soonyoung sighs out.

"But do you know what I think? I think you two still need some closure."

"Oh nooo, no, no, no," Soonyoung violently shook his head. "We can't do that! I can't do that!"

"Well obviously you're against the idea of seeing him again," he deadpans. "But when you two broke up, you still had lingering feelings for each other. Yeah, you two both agreed to break up, but those feelings were still there."

That's right, those feelings were still there even after they officially ended things between them.

So maybe that's why it hurts so much after seeing him again.

Still, after Soonyoung's moved on completely, he doesn't want to see Jihoon again. Something in him is telling him that he shouldn't see Jihoon. Just thinking about seeing his ex again, with just the two of them, it makes him feel uneasy, upset, scared. It's hard to explain why he feels this way, he doesn't even know why himself. He just knows that he doesn't want to see him.

It's been years, and I thought I moved on. But now, why does it feel like I haven't moved on at all? Soonyoung asked himself. Have all those years done nothing to me and my feelings?

❀

Jihoon nodded at whatever Mingyu was saying as the two walked down the street of the city, walking off all the food they had eaten earlier. His eyes were casted down on the floor. Even though he was trying to listen to Mingyu, he'd tune out once in a while when his thoughts had become too much to the point for him not to ignore.

"You okay, Jihoon?" Mingyu worriedly asked. "You seem out of it."

"I'm sorry," he quickly apologized. "I've just been thinking a lot these days."

"About what?"

"Well," he began. "I've told you before that Habitual Words was written based on my experience with a past relationship, right?"

"Yes, you did," Mingyu confirmed. "What about it?"

"My relationship with my ex ended mutually," Jihoon explained. "We both had different career paths for the future. I wanted to become a writer, but he wanted to become a- his career took most of his time, including his time with me. I tried not to care, because it was something he was passionate about, but it still hurt since the only time I could talk to him was through the phone. In the end, we decided to break up."

"This happened years ago," Jihoon continued. "It's been years since I've last seen him, until all of a sudden I see him again."

"You saw your ex again?" Mingyu asked, and he knew it was a dumb question. He just wanted to show that he was listening instead of staying quiet.

"Yeah," Jihoon nodded. "We talked privately, and I thought I'd be okay with just a few words of asking how things are going. It didn't go that way though, because after we talked I felt worse. I felt so confused."

"With what?" Mingyu inquired.

"I don't know, everything?" Jihoon shrugged. "Not just with him, but with me too. After seeing him again after all these years, a part of me wants to talk to him properly. But another part of me doesn't. Part of me wants to make things right again, but at the same time I don't."

"They say that relationships end for a reason, but what happens if our reason was more complicated than others?" Jihoon asked.  "If fate brings us together again, does that mean we should get back together?"

"Don't think about where fate brings you," Mingyu shook his head. "Listen to your heart. I think your heart knows your feelings better than fate. If you think you want to get back together with your ex, then go for it. Don't let fate do all the work for you."

Hearing those words were like an awakening for Jihoon. All these years he's been letting fate take the lead, but maybe he should start living his way from now on? Stop letting things fall where they may, but take charge, make the first move, take initiative.

Jihoon's in his late twenties now and he's been living life half-heartedly. It was time to go all out before he starts to regret things. And by regret things, I mean by not properly talking to Soonyoung when he has the chance. This time he wasn't gonna let fate do all the work.

Fate gave him the chance to see Soonyoung again, but now he's the one who has to make the first move and talk to Soonyoung.

"Thanks Mingyu," he says. "And sorry for dumping all this on you when there was no reason to."

"Don't be," Mingyu shook his head. "I'm always happy to listen whenever you need someone to talk to. It's the least I can do."

Jihoon throws him a smile and nod, "I think I know what I want to do."

"And what is it?" Mingyu asked.

"I wanna talk to him," Jihoon answered. "Not necessarily because I want to get back together, but so we can finally have the proper talk we never got to have years ago. I'll talk to him, and we'll see how things go from there. How we both feel after we talk."

"I'm liking that idea," Mingyu gives Jihoon a proud nod. "See? I give the best advice."

Jihoon only chuckles and rolls his eyes in response. "Whatever you say."

❀

When he returned home, Jihoon cozied up on the couch with his phone in hand. He wanted to quickly contact Soonyoung before he could change his mind and chicken out. But as he sat there with his phone in hand, suddenly his restless mind had gone blank. He was going to DM Soonyoung since that was the only way he could contact him. Soonyoung blocked his number and he didn't even know if he still has his number.

What does he say? How should he start off? Is a "hi" good enough as a greeting?

Jihoon stops you're thinking too much over a simple message, he tells himself.

"Make the first move," he mutters out. "Just do it."

He doesn't realize his hand is shaking when there's a bunch of words he's mistyping (but thank you autocorrect for correcting his mistakes). He pauses for a few seconds after each sentence, pauses longer as he types and deletes and re-reads his message over and over again until he's basically memorized it in his head.

When he finishes, he's left with a long paragraph. He re-reads the message again, making sure there aren't any mistakes or if he's leaving anything out. He doesn't think he is.

"This is it," he says, thumb hovering over the send button. "Yolo."

Pressing down on the button, he had finally sent the first message.