Maroon ■ Scorbus

1

//TRIGGER WARNING: DEATH MENTIONS, ABUSE MENTIONS, DRINKING MINTIONS.//

now i dont know how to start this. i wasnt even planning on writing in this stupid journal,  but with mum recently dying, i feel like its the only connection i have to her now.
ill try and write in this stupid thing every day, but no promises. i dont really want to do this at all, and doing this a 3 am when everyone is asleep wont always be ideal,  but ill deal with it.

recently, my mother died. its been hard for my father and i, but we both handled and are handling it differently. my father drinks.  alot. he'll drink so much that he'll forget who he is and pass out. hes done some crazy shit when he was drunk, but everyone looks past it. funny how someone dying can do that, change the way everyone looks at you. 
i mainly bottle everything up. and when i say everything,  i mean EVERYTHING.  hell, i bottle so much up that i dont even cry anymore. i cant cry, even if i tried. my eyes will well up with tears, and my body will feel sad and cry worthy, but nothing will happen. 

no one really notices that im hiding more, and if they do notice, they dont care. im not too shocked or hurt when people don't care for me though, I'm used to not getting fed, or being hurt just for breathing. 

that's what happens when your father drinks wildly. 

well— i should get some sleep, i have classes tomorrow.

until next time,  i guess.