Everyday Life with Shu Sakamaki (One Shots)

You Are Here

One shot: #13- You Are Here
Content: Masochistic content✂️

'Numerous days have passed since I became like this. The urge of wanting to die has never gone.
In the very bottom of my heart, it always tells me that it doesn't want to help me pumping blood, that it is tired. It wants to stop beating, stop moving.'

I placed my hand over my beating heart. I did feel that my heart hated me. It had hated me all the time.

I sighed as I felt pain from my heart again.
"Sorry." I softly spoke.

"I know you don't want to beat anymore, and I know that you hate me so much." I held a knife in my hand and slashed my stomach as I continued, "I don't want you to keep helping me pump blood as well. But...". I looked down at my stomach and saw a red thin line of blood seeping out from my skin.

"But... it couldn't be helped. No matter how much I wanted to be gone, no matter how many times I've attempted... it didn't work." I laughed as I said, "it must be because I'm too pathetic, that even death isn't allowed, right?"

I didn't know how much time had passed. I just kept cutting and cutting. Then my hands gradually felt tired, so I stopped and rested my hands on my bloody stomach weakly.

I sighed.

And sighed.

And sighed...

Then I screamed and cried.

After that,
I giggled.

I slapped myself and bit my own flesh. I hated it.
I hated this pathetic human. I hated this skin, this flesh! This entire being!

I didn't know how much time had passed, but eventually my eyes closed by their own, and I lost my consciousness.

...

As I was sleeping, I felt a hand touching my stomach. The hand was cold. As cold as a dead corpse.

I then felt warm breaths above my stomach, above my bloody scars.

"??" I opened my eyes but...
I saw nothing.

I wonder why?

Everything was pitch black.
I couldn't see.

Oh, I couldn't see.
I couldn't see anymore.
It must have been because I cried too much. Hahaha.

I lost my sight.

"Umm..." A familiar voice muttered. Although everything in front of me was pitch black, I could still... feel him here. I could heard the voice I adored. The voice I loved the most.

'Is he here...?' I wondered.

"Shu...?" I asked suspiciously.

"Hmm?" The voice replied. His... voice.

"Hehehe!" I smiled and giggled happily as he was right here with me.

'If he is here, then everything doesn't matter.'
I thought as I smiled at the voice.
I couldn't see anymore. But, I felt like I was the happiest and the luckiest person at that moment.

'I want to die. I want to be treated terribly. I want to be hurt. I only want him to do that to me.'

My blood vessels were shaking, they were angry at me too. My heart was yelling at me. My brain was scolding me being a pathetic human- no, a trash.
My eyes left me because they didn't want me to see anymore. My happiness left me because it thought that I didn't suit to be happy. But I found another kind of happiness, a kind of happiness which only I knew. Only this pathetic trash could feel. A complicated feeling only I knew.

It was alright.
I wanted to die anyway.
Who cares about me anyway? Not even I want to care about myself. I want me to suffer. I want to end. I want to hurt this trash. Giving it all the pain it deserves.

"Are you happy?"
He suddenly asked.

"I don't know. But if you're here, then nothing matters except you." I smiled.

"Is it so?"
He said as I could feel his hands resting on my cheeks, then he raised one of his hands, ready to slap my cheek.

I relaxed myself and closed my eyes.

Well, it didn't matter whether I closed my eyes or not, because I couldn't see anyway.

"Pak."
One slap.

I felt heat from my left cheek, my heart was beating rapidly, I was smiling.

"Pak"
Another slap.

I let out a sound as I felt the pain. Why was it pleasurable? Why did I feel happy?

I could then hear the sound of a pair of scissors, cutting.
"I will cut you."
He said quietly with sadism hidden in his voice.

Hearing his excited sadistic voice, I couldn't help but feel excited as well. I was happy because it seemed like he was happy.

I felt a cold hand grabbing my right arm, lifting it up... then-

"Slash!"

"Aaa!" I let out another sound as the pair of scissors cut my skin.

I could then hear his giggles. His happy, innocent giggles. He was happy...

It was a shame that I couldn't see how happy he was at that moment, that I couldn't see the expression he was making.

But seriously, I didn't care that I lost my sight. As long as he was here, everything would be fine. I would be enough already. I would be happy.