𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐒 ─ nct dream

o6

❛❛ 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭,
𝐚𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 ❜❜

"renjun, what did you hear??" i wanted to make him stop but he just turned away and left us.

i felt like my whole world was breaking apart. i dropped my milky.

renjun... he was so disappointed. i would never forget the gaze in his eyes. they were filled with disbelief and anger. ooh nono what did i do.

my eyes suddenly got watery as i tried turning away from jaemin. i would not cry in front of him, i swore myself. you're strong, suji, just get your gaze up.

jaemin on the other hand was unsure what to do and how to react.

i couldn't hold back my tears anymore, as the anxiety grew. jaemin pulled me into a tight hug and stroked my hair. he shushed from time to time, until the school bell rang and the other students started heading towards their class rooms in the different buildings.

the sudden tide of upcoming emotions overwhelmed me. it felt like the zoo in my stomach was being murdered by the hurt look of renjun. i cried even more, and jaemin just comforted me.

he told me to skip classes until i was good again, even though i tried forcing to at least attend his lessons, since he did not drag any guilt. i of course felt the embarrassment heating up my cheeks, but my emotions did a good job covering that up.

unless my foundation. that expensive shit went off like water. at least i would never buy this shit. i remembered my light mascara, but i couldn't remember if it was waterproof or not. i couldn't careless.

all my brain could think of was renjun's eyes. the ones that made me smile. the ones i fell for. the ones that made me happy once. and now they took my happiness. it feels weird, to think that they once made me this happy when they now broke me down.

i was in love with renjun, but somehow i ruined everything. i shouldn't have told jaemin. i shouldn't have come with him kn the first place. everything was so fucked up, and so was i.

slowly i started gaining an unknown numb feeling. it felt good, somehow, so i just let it be. the numbness took over my mind, and i was starting to feel better, somehow.

eventually i stopped crying. i suddenly understood it wouldn't turn back time, but it would hurt me more.

i don't know when, but i told jaemin to go to his class, and i would simply grab my stuff from the bench and walk home. he insisted accompanying me, but i shrugged off and told him i was fine, i would find the way back home.

this was the cruelest way back home i ever had. i had to fight my inner demons, to actually take on step after another. walking suddenly seemed to be the most difficult thing in life.

i decided to take a rest at the tree half on the way. i sat down, trying to catch the numb feeling again.

no matter how much people passed me, no one would take notice of me. the more time passed the less i cared about myself and other.

was this what i truly deserved?

i must be sitting here for long, because after a while jeno run up to me, completely out of breath. he pulled me up into a warm tight hug, showing all his love and appreciation towards me. but i catched my numb feeling again, and so i did not let that reach my inner self.

"are you okay?? suji??"

yes yes, i wanted to answer, but i couldn't open my mouth. instead, i just nodded.

jeno bend down and put one of his arms under my knees. he carried me back home, with all of my bags and his bags.

i shut my eyes, hoping i would die the next second (I KNOW I SHOULDNT BE THIS DRAMATIC BUT LET ME BE OKAY) he placed me on top of my bed and tucked me in. the last thing i could remember was a sentence jeno said.

"don't be afraid tonight, have a good sleep. i'll work things out. trust me."