𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐒 ─ nct dream

o9

❛❛ 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 ❜❜

long chap as an excuse for not updating (1500+ words) ! also trigger warning on here !! i will mark it. have a good day

"she needs to see the light again."

i slowly turned around forgetting about the chips bags. feeling all numb i walked towards the bathroom, closing the door behind me and locking it.

i felt the tear strokes falling down my face. soon i started sobbing. i leaned on the wall and slipped on the ground. my legs couldn't hold me anymore.

who was i? why did he leave me like this? what am i even worth?how did hurt renjun? what did i say?

all of a sudden a flashback appeared in my inner eye.

they pulled my hair and i let out a high-pitched scream. "we told you to stay away from them didn't we?" saeron asked. as i did not answer she pulled my hair again causing to form tears in my eyes.

"huh?"

"y-yes"

"then why do you still hang out with them??" minji shrieked and spit into my face. the tears were endlessly rolling and they wouldn't stop. hana started kicking me and soon the other two girls followed her lead in kicking me too. suddenly hana bend down to the floor where i was lying.

"what are you, a bitch? oh look at you. what are you worth? you deserve nothing, suji. they don't even like you. why are you still trying?" hana smiled. "stay away from renjun, bitch" she said and hit my head on the ground. everything went black.

a few days later i talked to jeno. he looked into my eyes. "suji, you are not good. stop telling yourself you're good when you are not. your light, the shine in your eyes, it's gone. you need to see the light again. dream, okay?? dream about us. you and me, the other ones, don't forget about is. we are there, for you and only you. we, the dreamies."

⚠︎ !! trigger warning pt 1 !! ⚠︎

the night after that was the first one i would sleep in while crying. in the middle of the night i woke up and did my very first cut. it was good, it took the sadness.

as i thought about that, an idea popped up in my head. slowly i got up, trying to not lose my balance. i made my way to the washbasin and opened the mini shelf under it. soon i found what i was looking for. i turned the blade around having a close look at it with a slight smile on my face.

they wouldn't know, would they?

my smile died.

they wouldn't care.

and with that thought i cut the skin on my left wrist.

it was my second cut ever, but it felt way better than the first time. it wasn't deep, it did bleed though. i looked for a tissue to press on it and preventing from ruining my precious hoodie.

my gaze fell onto the person reflected in the mirror. i was nowhere 'thin' and i didn't loose weight. my face got a little lighter, but it was all red now. and you could see how much sleep i was lacking, that's true, but i wasn't sick.

my eyes were swollen and my lashes still dripping watery tears. suddenly i heard a knock.

⚠︎ trigger warning end pt 1 ⚠︎

"nut head are you okay?" i widened my eyes as i prepared myself to answer. "yeah i'm good" my voice broke away, knowing it wouldn't convince him.

"suji, open the door please" jeno said.