𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐒 ─ nct dream

1o

❛❛ 𝐰𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐧' 𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐮𝐩
─
𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐮𝐩 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 ❜❜

his voice was soft and full of worry. 

why is he here?

"what are you doing here, renjun?" jeno asked. he didn't look angry, but i could tell he was quite confused.

"oh i, uh- can i talk to suji?" renjun's gaze wandered to me again. his face, he looked so done with everything. did he suffer too? why? what did i do?

"i'm not sure if-" i cut jeno off. "yes." he shot me a glance, questioning my decision. "i want to. please, go in, okay?"

i tried my best puppy look, signalling him to go back to the others. jeno let out a sigh before grabbing his jacket from the coat rook. "don't take too long, okay?" he smiled at me and closed the door again.

now i was alone with renjun. his presence behind me filled me with mixed feelings. on one hand i missed him, i missed his eyes. his laugh, his hair, his everything. tears formed in my eyes i slowly turned around. i tried my best to smile, just for him.

"suji."

he walked towards me and pulled me closer. his eyes locked mine, full of guilt and worry. we stared into each other's eyes for a long time. the tears were finally escaping my eyes but i kept a straight face, not wanting him to see my weakness.

renjun caressed my cheek and whiped my tears away. the other arm around my waist was stroking my back giving me the comfort i was needing. we didn't say anything for a long time. there was some kind of electricity in the air, from the strong bond between us.

i missed him so much. but while looking at him i felt so bad. i have no idea what i did wrong. we continued to stare, as i saw his eyes forming tears too. he leaned in and kissed my forehead.

renjun pulled me closer and buried his face in the crook of my neck. "i'm so sorry" he whispered. his wet hair touched my bare neck. i shivered of the sudden cold, but didn't dare to pull away. i wrapped my arms around his neck, moving him the closest to my body.

my heart race like crazy, and so was his. "why are you sorry?" my voice broke. "it's all my fault."

"no suji, it was me" i was about to answer as he moved away to look into my eyes. he simply shook his head, not allowing me to talk.

"i thought you were talking about someone else."

oh.

"what why? what did make you think that?"

"you know, i can't tell you that now, but i promise i will."

a thunder bursted through the dark sky. i didn't notice the streetlights  went on, spending us their light.

"b-but-" renjun shook his head again. "no, suji. it's okay. i hurt you in the worst possible way. i can't stand myself anymore. you lighted up my heart. so damn much. but then the boys told me how much you were suffering, but i thought it was because he... i thought... argh-" his head fell down, his body shaking in disbelieve.

"i'm so sorry. i thought i lost you, suji, and now i made everything even worse than before. i texted with jaemin earlier, asking how you were. he told me  how unhappy you were, how sick and tired. and suddenly i figured out it was me who you two were talking about the other day. i immediately run over here, trying to save what i can save." his eyes looked for mine again as i lowered my head and bit my lower lip.

his hand pulled up my chin, his gaze wandering around my face. "i'm so sorry."

his whole face broke with his words.

"no."

his head got up. "what?"

"i-i c-can't do this anymore. i still have feelings for you, but what just happened completely broke me, renjun. it's my fault, stop saying you're sorry ! i should never have fallen in love with you ! i'm so dumb, ugh IT SUCKS !! i am sorry, okay, i am sorry for choosing you, i am sorry for having such damn strong fucking feelings for you. i'm just...  tired..."

i supposeley avoided his eyes.  but it was true. i couldn't handle it anymore. but what? it doesn't matter anyways. i would never fall in love again, i promised myself.

"i'm sorry" both said simultaneously. i smiled slightly.

"hey, you wanna come in?"