How To Kill A Zombie

Like A Boss Battle

Though I don't have very vivid memory of what Zelda games were and how they worked, I knew that this had to be a slapstick version of it. The guy was a giant lug. It moved slowly, but damn were its hits dangerous. Id lure it to the corner, duck under its legs, then stab it's back all up. It was hard getting good stabs, the thing had a nesting ground of spores on it's back. Pretty nasty.

After about 10 minutes of cold hard fighting, I decided to get my bat. It was a blunt weapon, but might give the big lug some headache and slow down. I took it, threw it up in the air, caught it and smashed the bastards head in.

Well, it didn't work.

The thing immediately recoiled by swinging his fist backwards into my face, sending me colliding with the wall. All I saw was an image of a gross chicken wing or something hitting me, then seeing black as I hear a crack. Certainly wasn't the wall that gave, I can tell you that.

The instant my vision returns, the pain does too. It echoes through my body like a loud shriek. I ignore the obvious pain and discomfort to get back on my feet. When I looked up to see my enemy, I had to look up instead of strait. It was right on top of me, holding it's arms above his head, ready to make me part of the floor tile.

I duck and roll and narrowly miss the attack. The wind knocks me onto my back, but I use my hands to stabilize my roll and stop into a kneel. I look up and see his back wide open. Taking the opportunity to take the big lug down, I kicked off the wall to land on his back.

The eruption of pain that came after was almost infuriating. Not painful, just infuriating. The fat piece of expired human had grown spikes of human bone and flesh and garbage out of it's back to stop my jump. I saw this in time to roll around, but having my arm impaled in the process. I was stuck on the spike, and was being tossed around like lice attached to hair. Except I couldn't leave.

"FFGHHHHGGGGGGGOD
FFFFFFFFUCKING
DDDDDDAAAMMMIT!!"

I took the bat and wailed on the infected's back. The constant shock of my nerves telling me to cut the shit out, just enraged me to hit harder. Eventually, blood started getting stuck on it, along with mutalated clumps of skin and garbage. It flew around the room like it was being ripped of a ceiling fan.

"DIE
YOU
FAT
BASTARD!!!"

I kept smashing for around 20 seconds longer before, on impulse, taking out Riptide and slicing the flesh on it's back until it wasn't recognizable as flesh anymore. The texture turned into a red mush, looking as if it was human spaghetti sauce.

It only infuriated me more.

I didn't stop stabbing and bashing, not even when the spikes retreated into it's back and it's legs gave out so it was kneeling. I had kept going until I saw it's eyes, bloodshot and mixed with a few others. Around 3 bodies morphed into one fat beast. I jumped down and bashed it's head side to side with my bat, and finished it with a scream that sounded like it could've come out of Dragon Ball Z and a stab to the eyes.

The light in the not-so-poor creature's eyes dimmed and faded until in front of me was lying only a pile of bloody flesh and bone. I spit at it, and collapsed.

Noises echoed all around me, like gushing blood, the smack of squishy flesh that everyone hates, and, I wasn't sure about this one, voices.

I looked up to see what was behind the dead beast. It was a door.

My reward.

I crawled over to the door, just barely making it up to the handle. My bloodied fingers turned it slowly, which seemed to be the only thing left my body could handle, because after I opened the door a crack, I had collapsed. My sight faded. My blood leaked out of me.

Welp. So much for my prize.

The last thing I heard before passing out from bloodloss was something weird.
Something I'm pretty sure I told to stay by the register.

"Merow??"

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HEHEHE the damn cat. I love me some butters.

Anyway, sorry for the late chapters. I've been kinda busy. Anyway, I've got an actual audience now, so I gotta be quicker. Message me for any ideas and stuff.

Oh yea. And for all the PJO fans, yes. The blade is named after the sword.

-Alex0987 OUT