Foreign Affair ›› n.h. mature

Sixteen

Olivia Allen

Thursday

I spent the rest of the day bummed out. I cancelled on my friends for dinner, ordered a pizza, opened a bottle of wine, and sat on the couch. There were some tears.

I went through a million different thoughts.

First of all, I hated him for leading me on. We had been hanging out all the time, talking about everything imaginable, and just having fun.

But when I really thought about it, it was always too good to be true. I mean, what did I really think would happen? I met Niall Horan, who I've had a crush on since I started liking One Direction, and he was going to just date me? No way. I had to know those days were numbered.

I wish it had ended a different way. He could've actually ended it instead of meeting up with an ex and ignoring my texts.

Of all exes to hook up with, Ellie Goulding? That's the worst because she's so fit and gorgeous and successful and it just hurt bad. Plus because of that whole thing with Ed Sheeran, whether true or not, he had to know it would draw a lot of attention.

Maybe that was his goal all along — to draw attention so people would forget he was ever seen with pathetic little me.

Maybe that's why he was so silent when he took me home last weekend before leaving for Australia. Because he knew she would be there and he was hoping to see her.

I hate this so much. I went from hating him to hating myself for being a moron.

I should've never gotten my hopes up.

Good thing I didn't sleep with him. That's why you never sleep with a guy when you aren't in love and who you haven't been with a long time.

Then a thought that I could barely stand crept in. What if that's why he didn't want to date me anymore? Because I wouldn't sleep with him.

Nope. I couldn't stand to think like that.

I went to bed and as hard as I tried not to, I cried myself to sleep.

...

Friday

When I woke up, remembering that article hit me again like a ton of bricks.

I looked like hell and I had no time to shower before class. My eyes were red and puffy still, my hair was matted down, I had a headache from the wine, and I was bloated from last night's pizza.

I pulled myself together and made some coffee.

Then it hit me. Why was I going to spend my time studying abroad in London crying?

I was in my own (well kind of my own) apartment, learning my way around a big city, I had made friends, and I was taking classes at a top tier university.

I shouldn't spend my time bitter over him, I should just be grateful that it even happened. I mean, as angry as I still was with him, I wouldn't wish I'd never met him. How many girls can say they've kissed him? Okay well actually probably more than I care to know, but still.

In class today, Ashley asked how I was feeling. Oh right, my excuse for cancelling last night was that I didn't feel well.

"Actually much better," I said, which was an honest answer. I'm going to be fine. "If you guys want to go out tonight, I'm in!"

We made plans to go to dinner and a new club. It really did lift my spirits. Plus, class was interesting today. Maybe this makes me a nerd, but learning about how financial markets vary around the globe while I'm in a foreign country is cool. Okay, yeah I'm a nerd.