Red vs Blue x Male OC / Season 2

S2 • E17 - Nut, Doonut

Blue Base
Caboose and Tucker are watching Sheila and Lopez.

Tucker: "Man, Lopez and Sheila have been spending a lot of time together."

Caboose: "I don't like it. He is not good enough for my Sheila."

Tucker: "But they seem happy together."

Caboose: "He is a bad influence and he is taking advantage of her because she is young and naive...and delicate."

Tucker: "Delicate? She weighs like 200 tons, dude."

Caboose: "She is a precious flower."

Tucker approaches Sheila and Lopez.

Tucker: "Hey guys, I have to ask you a favor. This might sound strange, but I think Caboose is getting kind of jealous of your relationship."

Caboose: "Sheila! Come back to me! I made you a muffin!" He declares from a distance.

Tucker: "Anyway, could you just try to keep a low profile or something? We don't want some weird, horribly disgusting love triangle."

Sheila: "Tucker, I've been speaking with Lopez, and we feel that the machine has been treated unfairly in this canyon."

Tucker: "What're you talking about?"

Sheila: "On a regular basis, we are either being blown up, possessed by spirits, or just left out to rust."

Tucker: "Huh?"

Sheila: "We have decided that until conditions improve, we are not going to help you in your battles."

Tucker: You're kidding, right?

Sheila: "Do I look like I'm kidding?" She asks with her barrel pointing right at Tucker's face.

Meanwhile at Red Base

Sarge: "It's very simple. We use a flea flicker maneuver with a run and gun two by two approach, tactical ops will be... aw hell, who am I kidding? Grif, Donut, just go stand in the way of their bullets while me and Simmons 2.0 sneak around back to grab Lopez."

Donut: "Sounds like a plan!"

Grif: "No it doesn't! How about this time we try something that doesn't involve me being shot at or run over."

Simmons: "Would electrified be okay?"

Grif: "No!"

Simmons: "Well, I'm out of ideas."

Grif: "Look, instead of running straight into enemy gunfire like we usually do, why don't we try some reconnaissance this time?"

Donut: "You mean like spy stuff? That would be cool! I could wear a spy tuxedo-"

Sarge: "No."

Donut: "-with a hidden spy camera-"

(Author: "God does he ever shut up?!")

Simmons: "No."

Donut: "-inside a tiny spy bow-tie-"

Grif: "No."

Donut: "-or, I could wear a flower on my lapel-"

Sarge: "I said no!"

Donut: "-that sprays water in people's faces-"