The Restraint Love | ✔

#32: Closer to the past

She was laying in my arms, and it dazed me. Soon, others rushed towards me. 

"Kya hua isko?" Mr Gill was staring at his daughter with concern. 

"Humko doctor ko bulana chahiye..." Sara voiced out her concern, "only that could give us a grip on her mental state." 

_____

I was pacing from south to north, as Sana was operated by a doctor. My palms were sweating in anxiety. Did the plan backfire? The question troubling me from the moment I witnessed her in my arms, unconscious. 

"She will be fine," came a small whisper from Raghav staring at me, and his hands were on Shehnaaz's shoulder. He was standing beside her, she was stressed out like me. 

"Sayad Sara kuch bata de ki akir hua kya hai Sana ko?" Neetu di gazed at the closed door with hope. 

A second later the door was pushed open, and Sara walked out along with the doctor. "So, you think that was the reason?" Sara was questioning something for which the doctor gave a nod. 

"As much as I can understand her state, it appeals the same." 

"What's the matter?" Shehnaaz asked getting desperate to know the condition of Sana. 

"Sana is having a depersonalization-derealization disorder." Sara showered us with a piece of information, and we couldn't grab what it meant.

"Depersonalization?" I questioned, "she is not having the multi-personality disorder, Sara." Objecting it out. 

"But derealization is at play," the doctor voiced out her view. "Some times, a patient goes through some traumatic event in past. Recollecting those events gives them pain, so unconsciously they try to erase the memory forever and at that moment this disorder comes to play. This also can be the reason of depression which she was going through... it can have any reason. So now her mind is set in such a manner, that she has lost connection with her surrounding. She can't get connected with reality, the reality which is before her it feels like it's a delusion. Aur jaise Sara ne share kiya, she has reacted after years that could be like something from a past came before her." 

"And that past is Sid, earlier too during those ten days she was normal. I mean... at least she was connected to the surrounding." Sara continued, "her been mentally retarded was due to injury caused in her brain. Did she met with an accident before?" Sara had the least knowledge about her suicide attempt. 

"Yes, once she tried to attempt suicide. Getting severely injured and from there she turned the way she is." Shehbaaz disclosed the matter as only two families were present. 

"Suicide?" Neetu di was shocked and the only person to express it load.

"Does her condition turned worse?" I inquired as she faint due to me humming the song. 

"Hmm... that could be better understand once she gets conscious. As much as I can realize it might have no consequence, but I will suggest take it slow. Putting pressure on her mind all of sudden with left her suffocating. Take care of her," suggesting the doctor took a leave. 

As the doctor left others walked into her room, I was left behind. Intentionally or unintentionally, I always ended up hurting her. "Sid, won't you glance at her?" Raghav asked, turning at my direction. 

I didn't reply and walked away from there. I need some time alone, to analyze recent events happening in my life. Stepping out once again I let myself immerse in the beauty of nature but Raghav disturbed me. 

"Sid, don't you dare to blame yourself for her condition. Isn't it enough that she called you after two years?" Raghav was grumbling as he could guess the mixture of emotions overwhelming me. 

"But she fainted! And you even realise that she is suffering from those disorders due to me... I am a curse to her. Why didn't I notice her at the first meet? Our life would have been different if I did!" I was cursing myself each passing second from the moment the real truth was out, "I am the sole reason for her turning mentally unstable and so for these disorders." The moment I turned myself to glance at Raghav, I found Shehbaaz standing a few distances away from us. 

His eyes wide open, he was startled. "First meet? Are you responsible for her mental state? How could it be possible, Siddharth paaji mai kuch miss kar rahu kya?" He inquired, we had an eye lock. 

"Actually, Shehbaaz..." Raghav was going to cover it up once again but I halted him. 

"Not again!" I stopped Raghav, he pleaded me through his eyes but I overlooked it. "Shehbaaz the matter is, I am the person whom your sister loved seven years back." He was stunned would be an understatement. 

"How can it be possible, according to Sara you met her two years back? Did she lie?" That turned him to scorn at us. 

"No! She didn't, she is not aware of it. I was not aware of it a few hours back, I don't know how to put it in words... her love towards me was one-sided. I was not even aware of it unless I ... found her diary." Disclosing the fact in the most possible way, I could. 

"Diary? Papaji handed it to you?" He sounded shocked, "unko yeh baat pata hai?" 

"Nahi, aur please tum bhi mat batana." Shehbaaz was staring at Raghav getting stunned. "Please Samjhne ki try kar, Sid is not responsible. Woh toh janta bhi nahi tha ki Sana thi uski life mein, aur woh usse pyaar karti thi." 

"Kya yaar kuch bhi bol rahe ho? Agar assa hota, toh kya tujhe lagta hai woh suicide karti? Usne dhoka diya hoga tabhi she took such a step, mujhe yeh baat papaji ko batani hogi." Not paying any heed to Raghav's pleading, he stepped to inform it to Mr Gill. 

"Tum bata sakte ho, par if yeh baat uncle ko pata chali toh kya woh mujhko Sana ke paas bhi jane denge?" My question halt him in his track. 

"Woh kya? Mai hi tumko uske aas-paas jane nahi dunga." He was fuming in anger. 

"Aur usse kya hoga? Sana thik ho jayegi..." Raghav was pissed at him. "Tune aaj khud dekha hai Sana ne kitne saalo baad muh khola. Teri behan ne khud kaha hai ki usne Sana ko do saal phele bolte huve suna, aur aaj jab woh thik ho sakti hai tu usmein hurdle ban raha hai." 

Raghav those words calmed him down and forced him to have a second thought, "mai sirf ek promise chahta hu tumse." Shehbaaz was gazing at me, "tumhare wajah se usse phir taklif nahi hogi. If huvi... phir mai sab ko sach bata dunga." 

"I promise you, mera uske saath tab tak hi connection hoga jab tak woh teek nahi ho jati." That promise was not towards him but I also promise myself the same. I was responsible for her and the family pain, once I cure it I won't any longer be around them. That word made Raghav to stare at me keenly as if trying to grab some unmentioned information. "Par humko tumhari madat chahiye, Sana ki koi dost jo humko uski past ke bare mein bata sakte..." I didn't even complete my statement. 

"Ha ek hai jo Sana ke baare mein phone kar ke puchti rahti hai. Sayad usse kuch pata chal sake," he suggested and we nodded. I could sense that we were close to the past. 

TO BE CONTINUED... 

How was the part? Thanks for showering so much love on last part. 

I am going to add a friend of Sana, anyone interested can mention over here. The first name given will be chosen so hurry up. 

And one more thing, past of Sana will start from the next part. I am going to write it from Sana's pov, is it okay with everyone? And real Kullu Moti moment will start after it, though you're going to witness one-sided love story from the next part. 

Don't forget to vote! Give your views, share the story! Follow me up for the latest news on my book. Anything else is left? Yes, save this book in the reading list and in your library. Okay, I had learned to advertise myself, big achievement!