Efflorescence

For him (uno)

Because of boredom I tried reading my old rants and dramas I used to send myself on telegram and came across this.

It's a total cringe btw haha!

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Words from one person passed by different mouths until the words from you was delivered to me.

"He likes you," they said.

Not having any single idea who you are. I searched your name in facebook and realized you sent me a friend request and I accepted it.

You wave at me. Uninterested at first, I didn't bother to wave back nor reply. I was surprised that you have thought of a subject to talk about. From that day on I got to know you more.

You started saying you love me "Je taime".

You started mentioning me to various facebook pages with corny yet sweet posts.

You started sending me long sweet messages, making me excited waking up every morning.

I can still vividly remember how I first heard your voice. You asked for my number then you called me, "Love?" you said. Making my insides flip and my heart summersaulting. I can still recall how you used to love starring at me and how I tried to act composed and unaffected  by your stares. But to tell you the truth I want to smile so bad and shout because of the "kilig" that you are making me feel.

It was lunch time when we first talked to each other in personal. It was awkward. But I was trying to act fine. There was a post seperating us, maintaining a safe 3 feet distance away from each other.

But my classmates are annoying, they made me sit beside you. We started a conversation  and shared cheesy yet sweet pick up lines and jokes.

We shared glances, smiles and memories.

We chatted for almost a day.

We chatted half a day.

We chatted for hours, turn into minutes.

The day you said that your sorry for giving up on me was the day you broke my heart.

You have taught me so much about life and maybe about love. You made me feel things I never thought I would feel.

There was this one time when I stalked you in facebook and saw your shared posts about someone else. "He has a new girl," I thought. It was awfully painful.

I used to ask myself "Why did he give up on me?"

"He gave up because he doesn't want to be rejected. You had hurt him so much," my friend which is also your close friend told me.

Then I recalled all of your shared posts. It wasn't for someone else. It was for me all along. 

I'm so sorry for hurting you.

I don't want to hurt you anymore.

Thank you for everything. You are my first love, I will remember you forever.

You are so precious and I don't want to break you more.

So this is me finally saying goodbye.