Shapes of love

Alone Without Him

Fiction's Title : Shapes of Love

Chapter's Title : Alone without him

Complete title : Alone without him

Author : KeikoAyameA also known as Keiyane, or even Kei. And that's me if you were wondering :D

Couple (Pairing) : HankCon (Hannok)

Rating : T

Disclaimer : Everything is owned by Quantic Dream... Except for my fucked mind

Note : Ok so this chapter is a bit shorter. Around, half the words of the previous two. But I wanted to talk about .. Him, his side of the story. Because in every story, there are always two sides, like in a coin. So far, so good, I'm happy to keep the "one-month" pace. It kinda seems long and I'm sorry for that, but at least, I can manage this "deadline" and this is good feedback for my mental health and make me happy to be committed to it.

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He opened his eyes. Sighed and closed them again. Reality struck him. It always took him a few seconds to realize it. Waking up in the dead silence always got him. Connor always used to make noises when he was here, simply because he lived. From the sound of keystrokes, to every little sound he made while preparing his breakfast, passing by TV noises. His favorites were hearing Connor's attempts to sing. When Connor was alone, mostly in the morning in his room, he sang over the music he was listening through the headphone. That was the cutest thing to wake up to. But now it was only silence. He didn't want to open his eyes again. He didn't want to go another day, feeling like this. He was so lost until he entered in his life and now he's gone too. Couldn't help but feeling lonely again. Remembering this day. The day their lips finally met. The day he had hope, just to fell from higher up. He remembered perfectly his smile, his gaze, and the taste of his lips. A memory he cherished and hated too. Because remembering this was rubbing salt into the bleeding wound. What happened? One minute Connor kissed him, next, Connor left his house. Did he do something wrong? Shouldn't he have returned his kiss? What was happening with Connor? Why did he leave him?

He sighed. Again. He let his eyes lingering on the empty space on his nightstand. He couldn't bear to see his picture, yet every morning he was searching for this photograph. Every day. He sighed again and finally sat up in bed. Why does life always take away what matters the most? Connor wasn't dead, but somehow it felt like it was. He remembered his divorce. It wasn't that hard, letting her go. It wasn't that painful to leave this relationship. Everything had already fallen apart. Everything was already dead between him and his wife. And with Connor... This end was all of sudden. They hadn't shared love and life, as his wife and he had gone through life together, and yet it hurt more.

He got up and exited his room. Throwing an eye on the left to the closed door. He sighed. Again. Did he ruin everything, again? Remembering how his wife wanted to move on. To be happier and live for Cole. He remembered clearly her bitter words, blaming him for living in the past, and always bringing her spirit down. He should have tried harder to forget what happened. That's what she wanted. For him to forgive himself for driving this fateful night. He was responsible for his son's death; like he was responsible for Connor leaving him. Maybe he was cursed? Maybe he should just end this life?

Without being conscious, his footstep drove him into the kitchen. Connor left, for real. No coffee smells, no coffee mug, no warmth in this room too. He absentmindedly prepared coffee while ogling on the key Connor left. It was there, on his table since the first night. Hank didn't find the courage to touch it. It was like, this key was cursed, and if he didn't put it away... Who knew? Maybe Connor would just come back. Just like that. As if by magic. But Connor wouldn't come back. It was the only certainty he had. He didn't know why he left him, why they didn't speak anymore, and keep avoiding each other; why Connor snapped that hard days ago. In fact, he gets the feeling he didn't really know Connor. Maybe he didn't ask much. Maybe he should have asked more questions, paid more attention to him and his tastes. Maybe, this way he would have known what he did wrong, what he did break. Finally, coffee was made. Hank took his mug full of coffee to his living room. He sat on the couch and started the TV while Sumo landed his big paws right beside him. Hank let out the noises filling his house, slowly petting Sumo. His eyes were tirelessly attracted to this cursed key. He was with Sumo, he was in his house, but his mind was somewhere else. Somewhere where "if" had existed and where Connor was still here with them. He would trade his loneliness with his old friendship with Connor at any time. Being his friend and living with him was enough. It was way better than ... being alone. Again. Than facing this grief for someone alive. At least, while being with him he could express his love even in a platonic way. He would give anything to get him back. But, Connor left, for a reason... Hank shed a tear. He didn't even bother to wipe it away. He let a sigh again. He was late again judging by the time displaying on the screen. He put his mug with reluctance on the side table. It was time to go, to dress up and stuff.