Musen 11 ✔

Chapter Fifteen:

There's something about losing someone who you thought would always be a constant in your life; be it by losing their friendship or losing them in general. It always hurt, the inescapable throbbing in your chest knowing that that person was gone. . .forever.

These past few weeks, Yoongi thought he'd shed his fair share of tears. He thought he was immune to crying, that the numbness in his chest would forever remain. But now, now sitting with his boyfriend in the passe get seat and with Kim Seokjin staring straighten ahead, blinking multiple times at once with wobbly lips, now with the ragged rise and fall of Hoseok's chest which fell in sync with Yoongi's, now in a car filled with ten wet eyes, he realised he'd not even shed half as much tears as he was supposed to.

Sonya had it worse, any could tell.

She pressed her self against the door, knees to her chest as her whole body shook with fervor and indiscernible mumbles left her mouth. She only looked up once in a while, with hope flickering in her eyes as if searching, as if hoping it was all a dream and Li Dong-in would materialise out of nowhere yelling a quick 'April Fools!'.

But as her head tucked back between in her knees and her body shook more, he could tell she was disappointed every time. And honestly, so were they. The car that usually would be filled with a comfortable silence or meaningless chat r had fallen victim of a kind of painful quiet that rippled at Yoongi's heart and tore through his bones and tissues.

Li Dong-in had been there since the beginning and now. . .now he wouldn't even see the end.

We should've helped him, Yoongi couldn't help these words from scattering all around his brain as he squeezed his boyfriend's hand tightly and either the boy didn't mind or he couldn't feel it. With Hoseok's glossed over eyes staring at nothing in particular, it had to be the latter.

We should've helped him, he didn't deserve to die in an unknown, grimy alleyway. He sacrificed everything for us, he took us in and protected us and took care of us and we didn't even know him all that well.

A man who killed himself to protect them and they only knew the littlest details about him; Li Dong-in, 21, lieutenant in the military, had a sister, among all other meaningless details. He died without them even knowing his story and he knew theirs, he knew them enough to want to give himself for them.

And they. . .left him.

He hadn't meant for it to come out, they'd all been crying quietly ever since — well other then Sonya, but with the sob that wracked through his chest and escaped his lips, it seemed he had reminded all the occupants of the car that they had voices and that their despair did not need to be hidden under the false pretense of being strong because soon after, the car was plunged into noisy cries, loud sniffles and hot tears.

Seokjin could barley see or hear with the tears that blinded his eyes and the noises that left his lips and so he quietly parked the car and allowed them all the liberty to let it all out as he looked to the roof of the car and allowed water stream freely down his face.

Yoongi held Hoseok close to himself and for the first time ever since they escaped camped, he really, really broke down.

"I can't do this," he cried into Hoseok's neck, "Not without him. Seokie I can't take care of myself not to talk of everyone else. I'm just a kid and I'm scared, Seokie, I'm so scared,"

For the first time, the realisation of the role Yoongi played in the group really dawned on Hoseok. He really was just a kid yet he had to fight and protect anyone else. Of course the stress and responsibility of keeping everyone safe would get to him and before, he had Dong-in by his side to somewhat guide him and coax him in the right direction but now Dong-in was gone and all responsibility fell on his shoulders and honestly, that was enough reason to break down.

So Hoseok pulled his boyfriend closer to his chest and for the first time in a while, he was the one giving comfort as he whispered sweet words into Yoongi's ear, gently caressing the older boy.

"You don't have to anymore, baby," Hoseok whispered with a sniffle, "We're all here now, you're not alone. You don't have to be scared, I got you,"

At his words, Yoongi sobbed more if possible and brought his lips up for a watery, salty kiss which Hoseok gladly embraced, hands still massaging the brunettes hair.

From the front, Seokjin could feel Namjoon's fingers gently massaging his shoulders while the younger boy other boy had his sister cuddled to his chest, basically on his lap. Jimin carried Taehyung, Jungkook carried the youngest of all the boys, Cha Won and pulled Sonya closer to the two of them.

It took a while but they all eventually calmed down and they were on the road again, Yoongi asleep in his boyfriend's arms. Sonya stared out of the window and wondered what would become of them from that point onwards, the driving of their car signifying a new road, a change. She bit her lip as she attempted to ignore the painful steering in her chest as she looked at the seat Seokjin occupied, where Dong-in would normally be.

She looked at everyone around her, the small family she'd come to have and she bit her lip with a sad smile. Li Dong-in had brought them all together, he'd shown them what loving strangers felt like, he'd shown her what liking someone felt like. Before then, before the world had gone to hell, Sonya had prided herself on the fact that she neither caught feelings nor acted on them. Dong-in had shown her what butterflies in her stomach felt like, Dong-in had shown her what blushing felt like and he'd shown her what feelings meant.

She missed him but she was going to do just as he'd asked; Choi Sonya would chin up lest her crown slipped. Because Dong-in had taught her self worth, strength and bravery and she was going to get to Building 63 because like hell she was going to let him down.

As she stared out of the window, a small almost ignored sign caught her eye bringing a small smile to her face.

Building 63, it read, 3 Miles North.

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wow, would you look at that. another shitty chapter once again. i'm sorry for all the bad chapters I've been serving you guys but on the bright side, two or there chapters left and you can get out of this hell hole lmao. i've prewritten a d completed a short story in my drafts with 8 chapters and an epilogue and each chapter having 2500-3000 words. then after that, i'll publish my already completed one shots book which had about four completed short story and then after that, i'll publish my poetry book so i pretty much have my life planned out lmaoo. i hope you'll stick with me 'til then. also, sorry for the long author's note, next chapter will be better, promise. x KJ.