Inferno of God

13: In Which The Characters Prepare for War

"I really should give you all a good talking to," mused Satan after all the criminals had left, leaving just him, Gabriel, Je'sus and Adam in the house.

"Honestly," said Je'sus, with a chuckle, "I'm surprised you aren't."

Adam stood, waving his hands about in wild enthusiasm, "Face it though, you've been in denial that this was going to happen for weeks, I could see that you were going to lose a hold on everyone from a mile away."

"Yes, I suppose so," said Satan, "But Gabriel, you were too, if I remember correctly."

"Perhaps I'm just better at recognizing my community's needs," joked he.

Satan laughed, it was an odd thing to witness him doing it, considering the conversation's content, "If you spent the last six thousand years helping what God considers to be the worst of humanity, you would be just as bad." He looked down, then up again, his eyes burning with intensity when they re-met the group, "You should know that in a way, I do still care about God's well being, I just feel that after everything that has happened, he just may not be fit to control the entire universe."

"As much as I've said I hate him, I can't argue," Baal laughed sadly, "how are we going to feed everyone, though?"

"If they can't complete the mission in time," said Gabriel, "we may just have to send them back to Hell."

The house then fell into a sleepy silence, while Satan turned over the sword in his hands, slipping it in and out of it's protective carrier, called a frog according to Adam, "What a waste of a perfectly good weapon, I don't even want to think of this plan turning to blood and gore."

"Well, my lord," Baal sighed, "if it does, we'll pull through."

"And if it doesn't," Adam added with a toothy grin, "you can always hang it on your wall."

Je'sus leaned his head tiredly against the windowsill, and immediately jolted back up, "Jesus! Is there an angel in that bag?"

"What?" Adam flung himself over the sofa and used his shoeless sock feet to slide himself next to him, the rest of the group was quick to follow.

Sure enough, Ms. Beatrice, the woman who had first suggested using poison, along with a proud accomplice, strolled down the walkway to the house, trudging a bagged, angel shaped lump behind them.

"They were gone for twenty minutes, that is insane," shouted Jesus. Though there was no denying he looked impressed.

Adam widened his eyes at Satan and Baal, "The bigger question is how have you lived with us for six thousand years and not learned to be badass?"

"The simple answer to that," Satan shrugged, slipping on his waistcoat, "is because the art of combat has never interested either of us, now everyone, please make your way over to the greenhouse. It appears I have a lesson to give, one which I believe you should all be present for."

Word spread quickly amongst the group Adam brought from Hell, and within half an hour, they were all huddled around a wooden table in the center of the greenhouse, with Satan in the center carrying a concerningly large steak knife. It looked like something out of a historical illustration of a surgical theater. He explained slowly and purposefully how to properly remove the excess flesh, overly aware that the group of humans he was speaking to secretly loved the thought of violence and gore. Though he was beginning to realize that, in some respects, the urge those men and women were feeling, was his fault. It was the negative for what the apple stood for on that life altering day, and God had made him pay for that. Adam and Jesus visibly gagged in the back of the room, and when Gabriel noticed, he smiled. It seemed humans were an odd mix of God's beliefs, and Satan's, perhaps making them a hypocritical mess of the best, and worst thing celestial beings could create. The combination didn't always make sense to anyone, but somehow, it worked.

The angel Satan freed turned out to be Awar, who had assisted in restraining Baal on his last day in Heaven. Upon seeing the demon, he immediately threw himself on him, without even hesitating to wonder what was going on. He kneeled down to the floor, and begged and apologized as though his very life depended on it. Baal, of course, took the time to comfort and forgive him, though Awar shied away from him, and instead ran to Satan to do the same. In the end, they both had to spend an hour in Gabriel's bedroom, using the same techniques as they did for the residents to calm him down.

By the time they emerged, the criminals were just about to head off again, and Satan, who had experienced a thoroughly exhausting day, had to do everything in his power not to run in front of them and close the door. "Hold on," shouted he, "there's one more thing that should be mentioned, Gabriel, Awar, could you both kindly spread your wings?" They did so. "Thank you. Now, as you can see, Gabriel, being an archangel, has much larger wings then Awar, they are also a sharper, more distinct shape. Archangels work extremely close to God, and therefore should not be approached at the present time. Do you understand?" Everyone droned out a yes, sounding quite annoyed that their fun was being interrupted. "Good," said Satan, in approval, "You may all leave now."