Broken Glass//Shawn Mendes (UNDER MAJOR EDITING)

Chapter 14

Okay so the girl above is who plays as Spencer. Her name is Shelley Hennig. She's my favorite actress. She's in Teen Wolf, Ouija, and unfriended. She's truly amazing.

Shawn Mendes

"Hi poeple. My name is Spencer. I'm here to get everything off of my chest." Spencer said to the camera. I saw this thing online where it usually makes people fell better about themselves if they talk about their feelings to a broad amount of people who are willing to listen, and stuff like that. She didn't want to do it in front of real people, so I set up a camera, and set her in front of it. I thought it was better to get it all out to camera than keeping it inside. 

"My life was crystal clear before I turned 13. I had the whole American family dream, even though I'm from Canada." She laughed a little. 

"I Had everything I ever wanted. When I  turned 12, my Father got terminal stomach cancer. Terminal. They couldn't do a thing to save him. Terminal..." She lingered on the word 'Terminal' for a few seconds. I could tell she was trying to keep herself together. 

"I'm not even sure why I'm doing this. Shawn here Is making me do this." She waved me in the camera. I walked over and sat beside her. 

"Hello Shawn" She said with a smile. 

"Hello Spencer.  Go on." I said to her.

 "After a few months, he got so bad, they had to put him in Hospice. It was really hard for me. It was a Monday when I found out. They told me the shortest time he'd be able to live without his meds was until Sunday. It was a Wednesday, and I was at school. I was sitting there all day thinking and hoping he would be okay. Then I got a call to come down to the office. I got down there, and they told me my Grandma called and it was important. I knew immediately, but I didn't want to accept it. I called and my Grandmother said 'I would've called you earlier, but I had to make sure it was in my mind first. He passed away 20 minutes ago. You should come to the hospital, and comfort your mother. This is very hard on her.' She didn't even have to tell me who it was. All she had to say was 'He'. I almost broke down in tears right there. I was taking advanced classes, so I was in the high school. I walked down the halls of the high school crying. I'm sure they all thought I looked stupid." She laughed a little.

"After everything happened, my mom was in terrible condition. She began to start a drinking problem. After awhile, she was put into rehab. The the rehab facility is also in a securing stable house for he mentally disabled. To basically she was in a nut house. They didn't separate the mentally ill and the rehab people. Our city runs terribly." She laughed at her little joke.

"I was and still am in terrible conditions. I've been in and out of rehab for attempted suicide, and self harm. I'm a few weeks clean from self harm now." She smiled 

"But, After a few years, I found out my mother was out of rehab and had been for he longest time. I also found out she was living in America with her new husband and four three other kids. I had siblings that I didn't even want to know about. Two of them are older than me, one of the my mom had after I was born, my dad just didn't want me to know that my mom cheated, so they kept it from me, and I have a younger one. Three are boys and the youngest is a girl. I haven't got to meet the oldest yet. He's in college playing football.  My mother and the whole family moved to Canada to find me, and be with me. So I moved in with them, and somehow I came across this little asshole." She said and smiled. Whenever she smiles, I smile. 

"Tell the camera how we met, Shawn." She said to me. 

"This is supposed to be about you, not us." I replied.

"But you're an important part of my life, and I want you to say how we met." She exclaimed. I couldn't say no to her when she's smiling the way she was smiling at me.  

"We met at a party. She was with her best friend, and I was with my friends. One of my friends Aaron dared me to go talk to her. I had a few drinks in me, so I had a little courage. I went up to her, and she turned around with that smile... It's the most mesmerizing smile I've ever seen in my life. All  she'd have to do is smile, and she'd have me convinced to buy her a new car, or mansion,  or something. And that's besides the fact that she's very beautiful, gorgeous, even. She's breath taking, and she almost literally took my breath away. I tried not to choke on my words when I talked to her." I said as my smile grew bigger and as did hers. 

"But then we started talking. She gets uncomfortable at parties, but she only went for her best friend Taylor. He came around to her, and put his arm around her. My heart dropped, because I thought he was her boyfriend. But he wasn't and my spirits rose back up. We got to talking, and then some asshole had to come and ruin her night. She cried on my shoulder for awhile, and it gave me a secure feeling. I had an amazing girl comfortable enough to cry on my shoulder. I could tell I already liked her after a few minutes of talking to her anyway. Every day after that I just wanted to see her, and talk to her more and more." I said. Spencer looked at me in complete awe. I looked at her in complete love. I love this girl. I may not be in love, but I can feel myself falling.  

Spencer Claire

The video that Shawn and I just took half of my emotions and energy. I never want to do anything like that ever again. When Shawn was saying how we met, that was cute. I loved that. But when I had to talk about things... I hated it with a passion. He eventually made me talk about Taylor. I know he's just trying to help, but still.

He wants me to eventually make more. Basically like a video diary. I'm not sure if I want to do it. It just doesn't feel good. When I had to talk about Taylor and my father was the worst part. As I was talking about it, I kept on thinking about how stupid I was for doing this, and I kept on feeling the pain I felt when both of them passed. It was like a replay of emotions on a continuum.

I walked into my front door and into my room. I didn't want to talk to anyone. Not Nash, not Mom, not anyone. My mind was so crowded with thoughts. I couldn't take it.

I walked into my bathroom and locked it in case anyone tried to walk in. I pulled out my drawer, and grabbed a blade out of the pile that I had stashed in the drawer. I sat down on the toilet and lifted up my skirt.

The blade cut my thighs like they were butter. Every cut felt so painful yet so welcoming. The deeper I cut, the better I felt.

Once I believed I had enough, I filled up the tub, stripped my clothes, and got in the tub. The luke warm water eased the stinging pain that slightly remained.

I heard a faint knock on the door and Skylynn say "Spencer, are you in there?" I panicked and got out of the tub, put my clothes on, and drained the bloody water from the tub. i opened the door to see Skylynn still standing there. "Hey!" I said giving her a smile.

"Can I stay in here with you?" She asked and I nodded my head. I laughed as I watched her small body struggle to get on my big bed. I helped her up and laid beside her. I turned on the tv for her to watch, but her eyes seemed to be fixed on something else.

"Spencer, are you an angel?" She asked. "Why?" I said. "Because Hayes says that all people with little red marks on them are all angels." She replied, pointing to one of my fresh cuts that was peeking out the bottom on my skirt. I uncomfortably pulled my skirt over it. "Hayes is one smart kid I guess." I said. "Hayes is an angel too. He told me he tried to fly once, but a rope almost stopped him." She explained

Then it hit me...

I wasn't alone.