Treachery-Bucky Barnes X OC

Part 17

The ride in the Quinjet was smooth, the wings of the plane adjusting constantly to account for the shifting air we were moving through. It was a sharp contrast to clunky cargo planes I was used to, but the extra comfort was ruined by the tension between me and Bucky. He held himself stiffly in the pilot's seat (he didn't quite trust the autopilot, I guessed), and he wouldn't look at me, instead concentrating intensely on the mission file that he must have read a hundred times now. 

"Bucky?" He looked up, irritation flashing in his eyes before something softened in them.

"Yeah?"

"Why won't you talk to me? Did I do something to upset you?" He glanced away, fidgeting with the file in his lap. "I miss talking to you, joking at training, working together without," I pause and wave my hands vaguely, "whatever this is. I don't want to lose what we had. I'm not quite certain what I did, though I can make a few guesses. What I mean to say is, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you."

His hands stilled, and he looked up at me. "Venetta," he started slowly, "I don't want to lose that, lose you, either. I thought I already had, when I had two much vodka that one night. And then you come and talk to me in my room, and I can tell there are things you won't say for whatever reason, but you shrug off the entire thing when that's not something I can do. I don't see you as a teammate, or a friend, and I know I shouldn't but I don't have an off switch for this kind of feeling. I can't stop it, and I know you don't feel the same, but-"

"When did I say that?"

"Huh?"

"Say that I don't feel the same, I mean." His brows furrow, and he thinks back on our conversations.

"You didn't say it outright, but normally when someone says stuff like I did, anything other than a positive, 'hey me too' is usually considered rejection. Plus you ignored it after the fact." He leans back in the seat, tugging his flesh hand through his hair. "It felt like I poured my heart out and you just ignored it. I'm like an open nerve around you, no walls, and worse, I can't read you at all. It drives me crazy."

I had no protocol for this. I was going directly against my mission, and while I had already decided abandoning Hydra was the only option, it still terrified me. I had no clue how to connect to Bucky, to figure out if I felt what he felt. The warmth, the unintentional staring, the thinking I did late at night; was that love? Love seems way too complicated for me to understand. I understood sadness, anger, because they had a direct, cause and effect relationship. I don't know what makes someone fall in love, the only things I could think of were things that weren't unique to romantic love; kindness, physical attraction, spending time together. It was something I couldn't puzzle together, and that terrified me like nothing else.

I rise and sit next to him in the copilot's seat. "I'm sorry it came across like that. I know I was insensitive, and you're right, I wasn't saying everything on my mind. I have to admit, I don't really know how to. I'm used to being alone, and I'm still figuring out how to figure out other people. I was insensitive. I'm sorry." I look up to study him, my eyes wandering over his figure. "I don't know if what I feel is what you feel. I don't even know what I feel." I couldn't believe what I was doing.

I made my way over to Bucky, and he stood. I came closer until there wasn't enough space between us, and at the same time I wasn't nearly close enough. Before I could second guess myself, I reached up and kissed him, softly, the way he kissed me that night. As I pulled away, seeing his confusion, I said, "I don't know what I feel yet. But that felt right. You feel right, being near you and talking to you, it all feels right. And I don't want to lose what we had, but I don't think we can go back." 

I looked up at Bucky, kind of scared despite myself. He had a hesitant smile on his face, and he pulled me to his chest, strong arms holding me close. I inhaled, taking in the scent of him, and hugged him back. We stayed there for a bit, holding each other, until FRIDAY interrupted. 

"Ms. Williams, Mr. Barnes, we're approaching the warehouse. Please ready yourselves." We reluctantly pulled apart, grabbing our gear, and faced the door of the Quinjet. 

"Ready?" I asked, smirking slightly.

"After you." I didn't have to look to know he was smiling. We stepped off the jet together, ready for anything ahead of us.

Hi everyone, I've decided to pick up the story again. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, any feedback is welcome :)

To Kat, who probably doesn't read these anymore :/

For all the sleepovers, and your ridiculous amount of cats (how many are you up to now? six?)

-Silver