NANOWRIMO 2020

11.25 Jelly Donuts

Chairmane looked terrible. "You're looking even better today," Miles smirked and sat at her bedside table, across from the beeping heart monitor and an expansive tray of pills the elderly nurse was fiddling with.

Chairmane smiled at him, a corner of her mouth lifting in tired acknowledgement. "Feels better," she rasped out, coughed, and tried again. "Much better."

You're lying. "You'll be out of here in no time and you can go back to sleeping in class instead of in here."

Chairmane parted her lips in a laugh. "I can sleep for as long as I want here," she said. "No one wakes me up with a book on the head." You might end up sleeping here forever though. And you don't seem to care.

The nurse smiled at their friendly banter and left and Chairmane watched her leave with narrowed eyes.

"Ugh thank god," Chairmane said. "Amanda's way too nice. She makes me feel like I'm dying."

Miles shrugged in a what-can-you-do-about-it way. Amanda's not wrong. "She's doing her job. Being nice isn't that weird in this profession."

"It is when they're always fawning over you and checking up on you and asking if you're okay or if it's too hot or too cold," Chairmane smacked her pillows for emphasis. "Way. Too. Nice." Smack. Smack. Smack.

"Again. Their job," Miles said. "Not special treatment or anything." It really is though. They've been doing this forever. They know. They read the charts. They understand the numbers. The nurses know. And they have enough compassion to try and make it better. No matter how many times they see it. "Here's your homework."

"What?" Chairmane gaped at him. "Who gives an injured person homework?"

"And here's the reading from Lit," Miles said. "There's a lot."

"First I miss the class trip. Now I have to make up all this work? Have some pity y'know?"

"Time ain't gonna stop for you girlie," Miles laughed. Yes it is. Very soon. Very very soon. "And you don't want to be behind everybody."

Chairmane hung her head and flailed in her bed a bit. She stopped all of a sudden and Miles' heart skipped a beat. Is it finally happening? "What if I get held back? What if I get expelled? What if I end up working at a fish warehouse?"

"All extremely likely possibilities," Miles said solemnly.

"I don't want to be the last kid in class who's like older than everybody and has already gone through puberty like twice and and," Chairmane shook her head and grabbed the homework from Miles. "Nope nope nope. Not gonna be me." That will never be you.

You'll be lucky to graduate. You'll be lucky to even come back to class, but for some reason everybody still has hope. Her parents funding the hospital bills. Her friends too busy to come visit, thinking they have more time. Her teachers assigning her work like she'll actually be able to complete it.

"If you need help with any of it, let me know," Miles leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. "Because I haven't been distracted by a certain someon in class, I've actually been able to study." Lies. Studying provides a distraction from the worry and the stress. It keeps him from thinking about Chairmane too much and all that they won't be able to do and all that he's losing.

Which is selfish, he knows that. He knows she's losing so much more than him, but there it is. A reminder that his wants are pointless and greedy and selfish.

Chairmane laughed, almost like she used to and Miles feels his chest tighten. The afternoon light through the window fills all the color she's lost from her cheeks so that they don't look so hollow. Her naturally light brown hair which normally looks fragile, absolutely glows around her face, framing her like a halo.

She smiled and closed her eyes, as if she could feel the warmth, maybe absorb it into her body and turn it into something positive.

Miles tried to memorize every detail. The lighting. Her soft features. Her shallow breaths. And he tried to imagine her someplace else. Maybe on the beach. In front of Welsh's ice cream shop. Walking on the way to school.

The way she smiled for you and only you in the world.

"I've gone up two whole class ranks ever since you've been in here," Miles said. He pulled out his phone and pretended to play through the games on it when in reality he was watching Chairmane out of the corner of his eye bite her lip and struggle through the equations.

She pouted and scrunched her face up and crossed her arms. She balanced her pencil on her upper lip and peeked at Miles, asking him for help. Or for him to do her homework for her.

"So let's say you do my math homework," Chairmane ventured.

"What's in it for me?" Miles scrolled through his phone. But he was listening to her thinking. The silence as she pieced together her thoughts and practiced her timing by mouthing out her key points.

She'd always done that. From elementary school to now. And probably to beyond.

"I will give you my pudding cup," Chairmane said.

"I don't like pudding."

"It's really good here! I get one every dinnertime," she continued. "And I know you. You do like pudding. You don't have to be such a 'gentleman.'" Air quotes. Her fingers looked so thin. Her wrists were shaking.

He did like pudding, but he felt guilty knowing he was taking away one of the few things she still found joy in.

More guilt to add to his growing pile.

Miles looked out at the window and the orange glaze across the sky. He knew he was going to do it. He could never say no to her. But he didn't want her to know that. Not yet. Not ever.

"Mmm," Miles mused. "I'll take a sip of your milk. I need more calcium to get taller."

"Not my milk," Chairmane looked horrified. "I love milk. And you're done growing. You don't need more of it. Don't be greedy."

"Milk or no deal," Miles said.

"Fiiiiine," Chairmane moaned. "I just can't do these probleeeeems, so pleeeeeaaaase PLEEEEAASE help meeeee."

Miles laughed and scooted his chair closer to her bed. He could hear the roar of his blood in his ears and was glad, not the for the first time, that he wasn't the one hooked up to the heart monitor.

He began explaining the process to Chairmane and she nodded vigorously, her hair swishing around and wafting her floral smelling shampoo into his face. Miles' adam apple bobbed.

Her head drooped lower and lower the longer he explained the problems to her and he didn't want to bore her to sleep, but he wanted to keep this moment and remember it. This soft moment with her and him together.

"You don't miss me in class?" Chairmane mumbled, half-asleep.

Miles pursed his lips. "I do." A pause. Loaded and strained. "Everyone does."

Chairmane nodded. "I miss everyone too. I wonder why they don't visit me like you. I wish they would." He couldn't tell her that they thought she was fine. The girl who cried wolf.

And the boy who listened to her howls. "They're busy. Getting ready for finals and all."

"But hey," Miles said, hand reaching up to smooth down her hair and settle her onto his shoulder. "Once you get out of here, we can get jelly donuts."

"Jelly donuts?" Chairmane smiled.

"Your favorites," Miles assured. "I promise."