❥ heart of gold ➛Van Dijk

²⁰ | roman holiday

roman holiday - when someone benefits from someone else's suffering or discomfort

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I instantly searched for a guest bedroom which wasn't so easy because of my teary, blurry eyesight and the lack of lights turned on in those few seconds we came inside.

I didn't want Perrie to see me cry. Even though it may be an understandable situation, it's still my fault the contact broke and of course it was his right to see someone. But it hurt so much.

Eventually, I found it and since I was so quick and not undressing after coming in, I heard Perrie calling my name.

But my sobbing was so loud I barely heard it, and quickly I disappeared into one of the guest rooms.
As soon as the door was closed behind me, I slid down on the floor and cried into my hands.
Everything I was holding in at the dinner couldn't stay inside anymore. I let it all go.

I stood up shakily and laid down on the bed. My body was shaking from the hard sobbing and my eyes were shut tightly.

The scenes replayed in my head. How gorgeous he looked and my heart fluttered, and how I saw the woman. How I choked on the air whenever she spoke.

My heart ached like it never has before. The pain extended itself through my whole upper body.

I heard the door open but I didnt bother turning around. Perrie walked around the bed to face me but I buried my face into my arms on shame.

"I've brought you some tissues. Do you want to get out of the dress and heels first? I can help you" She asked carefully, touching the zipper on my back. I frantically shook my head. No way I'm gonna show my scars right now.

"Okay" she sighed. "I just want to ensure that you can stay here as long as you want, I'm sure Alex will be okay with that. And I know how broken you must feel, but please know that were always here and talking is much better than letting it eat you up from the inside" she explained, soothingly caressing my back.

For the first time since we arrived, I've found my voice again.
"I-It..just hurts so much, Perrie. So fucking much" I looked up to her, before tears were falling down again and I touched my aching chest.

"I know what heartbreak feels like, and everyone experiences that on their own. Just know you don't have to go through that alone" she said with an empathic look, her eyes glistening.
"Thank you so much"

I grabbed one of the tissues and cleaned my face a bit. Perrie took a step back.
"I'll go change quickly, you can find me in the upper level. I'll be back soon, is that alright?" She wanted to know and I nodded.
"Yeah, sure. Oh, and do you have any clothes for me? Or should we drive to my apartment and get some?"

"I think it's totally fine if I give you one of my pieces if they fit. We can still drive to your apartment some other day" she deliberated and I agreed.

After she left and brought me fitting clothes, she went to undress herself and I was alone so I used the chance and changed. I was folding the dress together carefully and put it next to the bed with the heels.

Now I was wearing a Little Mix tour shirt and a pair of leggings.
I also took one of the tissues and cleaned my wet face.

Perrie was back, wearing comfortable clothing too now.
She sat down next to me.
"I don't think I've ever hurt that much"
I admitted, pressing my eyes shut as tears followed.
She hugged me. "Let it all out", she said over and over again and I sobbed.