HEAL

10 -- PATRICIA

Every morning, on his way to breakfast, Larry would make his way over to the noticeboard just inside the main door, and say "good morning" to Patricia.  And at lunch time, and at dinner.  He would stand directly in front of her picture, and touch the paper gently with his fingertips, as if he were caressing her cheek as she stood in his arms.  If no one was around, and quite often Laurent and Marcus would stand back, across the other side of the foyer to give him his privacy, Larry would touch his forehead to hers, and mutter something that neither of the men could hear.  While it was charming, endearing, and sweet, awww-inducing even to some of the women who had seen this kind of thing happen before, Laurent and Marcus would stand, side by side, and watch this sad one sided love affair blossoming before their eyes.  Laurent let Marcus know his apprehension about it too, he knew it wasn't healthy for Larry to be this involved, if only in his head, with a make-believe woman, to be this far into his imagination, his mind, enough to think it was real.

"I don't like it, Marcus.  It was fine, even a few days ago, but now he's just ..... gone, totally flipped over this girl, and she's not even real !  I don't ..... I can't get my head round it."

"Ah, but in his mind, she is real, Lau.  For some reason, he believes she can understand him, he feels close to her.  She's as real to him, as I am to you."  Laurent threw Marcus a look then.  He let out an exasperated sigh, genuinely not knowing what to make of this.  This Larry was something new altogether, and he was worried for his brother because of this turn of events.  

"He's never even gonna meet her, is he ?  I know she's a real person, 'n' all, but she's just some lifestyle model, employed by some agency for an ad campaign, from ..... God knows where.  How is this ....."  he gestured towards his brother, who's head was bowed, eyes downcast, talking to the beautiful girl on the noticeboard, "healthy !  He'll come home, and never see her again, and he'll be heartbroken, and he'll blame me.  He doesn't need this.  I don't need this."  

"He'll still be here a couple times a week for therapy, Lau.  He can see her then .... "  At Marcus' seemingly unbothered interpretation of Larry's all-consuming affair, Laurent turned, incredulous, to face him, still pointing in Larry's direction,

"You think this is OK ?  You think this is a good thing ?"  The more a smile crept across Marcus' face, his passive acceptance of Larry's behaviour, the more Laurent's frustration and ..... jealousy ...... surfaced.  Laurent stopped suddenly to acknowledge what it was that was bubbling up from his gut.  He glared at Marcus who just stood, arms crossed, eyebrows raised, as if to say  --  OK, there it is  --   Laurent didn't quite know what to do in that moment.  He felt his face and chest flush with embarrassment at his own feelings, knowing what he must have looked like to Marcus, to anyone that might be watching them.  Marcus lay his open palm on Laurent's back, swiping it gently up and down his soft shirt, as he stood, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other, trying to clear his throat and his chest of this very unfamiliar feeling.  His eyes hadn't left Larry for a while, and he hated the feeling that settled within him, knowing he had to get rid of it.  Not just that he was jealous, but that he was jealous of someone he knew wasn't real.  But, he reminded himself, Larry hadn't felt that way about him for a very long time, but now, he was jealous that Larry was feeling ... that way .... at all.  He instantly knew what he was feeling was ridiculous, and he hated that too.  

And why shouldn't Larry find comfort, and affection, even love ?  God knows, he had felt it at some point in the past, he knew he did.  They both had.  They had shared that feeling, and Laurent had yanked it away, pulled it straight out of Larry's heart, and stomped it into the ground.  But why shouldn't he feel it again ?  Just because his mind was different in the way it worked, didn't mean his heart shouldn't feel any differently, surely ?