Overwhelmed

sapdaddy strikes

What the actual fuck.

Clay's POV

I knew she was awake when I called Nick. She shifted a little and her breathing changed to a forced pattern as I got up. I was gonna hang up, but she kept her eyes closed. She looked so beautiful. It was my chance.

I'll admit, it was definitely the cowardly way to confess my feelings... no confrontation. Leaving it up to her. But I needed her to know. So, I texted Nick to tell him to be careful about his wording because she was listening. It was a truthful conversation with real advice. 

When I dropped my phone, it was sort of like my fucked up attempt at giving her a way to wake up. She flinched, but stayed with her eyes shut. I knew I had messed up then. She was terrified. I could tell by the way she clenched the pillow in her hand. Her whole body seemed so delicate. I just wanted to take it back.

To never make her hear those things. But, it was too late. Now she knows.

Y/N's POV

When I was sure Clay has left, I immediately got out of bed and ran to the bathroom. I hadn't realized how tense I was and now my entire body was shaking uncontrollably. I turned on the shower and sat on the bottom of the tub. I almost got in with his sweatshirt on, but I ripped it off last second. 

The tears came before I could stop them. Why is this such a big deal?!  I mean, he really didn't say much. Why do I feel like such a terrible person for listening to his conversation?  My mind is consumed by these thoughts. Eventually I calm myself down with logic.

1) It is not my fault that he chose to have a private conversation in front of me
2) The things he said are not very important in the overall scheme of life
3) I've only known him for a couple weeks. No need to stress out.

I repeat these things over and over until my tears are gone. I'm shivering from the cold shower, so I change into dry clothes. I glance at my phone and see that it's already 2:30 in the morning. I need to get up in a half hour anyway... Why not jumpstart my day?

I move slowly, taking my time to make a smoothie then settle at my desk. I haven't played minecraft since the collab with Dream, but I made sure to tweet that I was going to be VERY busy moving for about a week, so I didn't have to worry about upset fans.

Around 3:15, I change into a swimsuit and put my sweats on over it. I comb my hair into a tight bun on top of my head and pack up my stuff. Clay's sweatshirt is still sitting on my bathroom floor, so I slip it on. Should I act like everything is normal? Like I didn't hear? I decide to take a picture in his sweatshirt and send it to Dream.

I'm shocked when he opens it right away. Terrified, I shut my phone off and go back to my smoothie. It isn't until after morning practice that I look at my phone again. I sent the picture on Snapchat, so I see that he sent one back a few minutes after mine.

It's a SUPER awkward mirror selfie of him in a merch sweatshirt. At first, I can't tell what it says, but then I realize it's my own design. I didn't even know he had my merch. Maybe it'll all be okay.

Clay's POV

It's past 3 o'clock and I'm still awake. I considered doing a stream when I got home to take my mind off of things, but I didn't want my weird mood to come off on viewers. Nick was still awake too, but that dude never sleeps.

Ding!

One new Snapchat from moo

My stomach does a flip. Like a full, gut wrenching, somersault. I open it immediately and see a simple picture. It's just her standing in front of a mirror. Then I notice her sweatshirt. Nick looks over my shoulder at the picture.

"Nothing?" he asks. I shake my head. "You have to tell her you know she was awake."

"I know," I groan, hiding my face in my hands. "Fine."

"I've only known y/n for a little while, but if she thinks she's keeping a secret from you, it's probably killing her," Nick says.

"I know, Nick. I'm going." I take a picture in her merch which just came a few days ago. "Wish me luck." I don't know how long her practice is, so I head over to her place. Her door isn't locked, but it doesn't feel right to just be waiting in her home. So, I settle in the front yard, watching the sun slowly rise and the moon dip out of my view.

Y/N's POV

As I walk up to my front door, I notice a figure laying in my yard. My first instinct is to scream, but I recognize the sweatshirt.

"Clay? Are you okay?" I ask, gently shaking his shoulder. His eyes shoot open and he sits up, nearly hitting heads with me.

"Oh, geez. I fell asleep," he says sheepishly.

"That's okay," I say, laughing. "Come on." We walk into the living room. I brush out my hair while he fiddles with the hem of his shirt. After a while, he shifts the position he's standing in, but still doesn't say anything. "So, what's up?"

"What do you mean?" He glances around nervously.

"I mean, you fell asleep in my front yard while I was at morning practice, came inside, and haven't said a word. And I thought maybe there was a reason for that. If not, that's fine too."

"Oh, yeah... Well, I wanted to talk to you." I raise my eyebrows and put my brush down. 

"Cool, what's up."

"Um. It's about last night." I nod, prompting him to continue. He seems confused and I know exactly why.

earlier:

One incoming call from sapdaddy

"Hey Nick! What's up?"

"Are you still at practice?"

"Uh, I just got into my car to go home, so kinda?"

"Oh okay... We gotta talk."

And that's when he explained that Clay knew I was awake and felt hella guilty about it. He told me that Clay was probably at my house, already preparing to talk to me. I was thankful for him telling me. He wasn't sure where Clay was in terms of feelings for me, but I don't think Clay knows either.

So... back to present time

To be continued...