Overwhelmed

goodbye orlando

I want to call Clay, but I decide just to walk to his apartment.

green bitch

Hey can I stop over for a little bit

of course. whats up?

I just need to talk to someone

okay. the door is unlocked

I don't trust myself to drive while i'm still so nervous, so I walk to Clay's apartment building in the dark. Janice, the lady in the front office, buzzes me in, so I run up the stairwell to his door. He's sitting at his desk when I walk in.

"Hey! You okay?" he asks. I can't hold it in any longer. Painful tears stream down my face and I'm left standing in the doorway. He immediately stands up and takes his headphones off, nearly knocking his water bottle off the desk. Rather than calming me down, his embrace makes me burst out in another round of sobs.

He just holds me for a while, not asking what's wrong, but just being there to comfort me. I'm thankful for this as I doubt I could form any full sentences right now. All I imagine is Thomas, laying on a hospital bed, clinging onto life. After a while, Clay pulls back and wipes a few tears from my face.

"Are you ready to talk?" he asks, gently pushing a strand of hair aside. I nod and he leads me out to the living room. He lets go of me for a moment, but only long enough to get a blanket and wrap it over my shoulders. "What happened?"

"It-it's Thomas. They called from his phone." This memory alone brings on more tears. Clay just holds me patiently, stroking my back. "He- uh- was just dropped off at the hospital in a coma and no one else answered the phone. I'm flying back tomorrow morning to register him... and make medical decisions if needed I guess."

"Oh, shit! Did they say what happened to him?" I shake my head and bury my face in his sweatshirt. "Do you want me to come back with you?"

"No, I'll be okay. My parents will come. I haven't talked to them yet but..." I fade off. "I just came right over here, I'm sorry."

"Don't ever be sorry for coming over, y/n. Why did they call you instead of his parents?"

"Well, I don't think they did. It sounds like his family just didn't answer and I'm sure I'm fairly high up on his emergency contact list anyway." I sigh. I don't know why his parents didn't answer, but that's very concerning.

"Just a minute, I'll be right back." Clay walks out and I hear him rustling around in the kitchen. When he comes back, he's holding a mug with delicious steam floating out of it. "Hot chocolate?" I thank him and take a sip.

"What if his parents are hurt too?"

"Stop it right now! You absolutely can NOT start thinking about the what ifs. That's just going to make you feel worse." He's right, of course.

"Yeah... I'm just panicking. I'm sorry."

"Moo, you gotta stop apologizing for everything. You can't keep feeling guilty for your emotions. Come here." Clay holds me and plays with my hair until I fall asleep. I guess I was pretty tired because the next time I wake up, he's gently shaking my shoulder and the sun is peeking through the window shades.

"Hey... You gotta get to the airport in an hour and I didn't know if you needed to pack," he whispers, looking at me with tender eyes.

I sigh as all the thoughts come back. The what if's, the worries, and panic. He's right, though. I do need to pack at least a few things. I have no idea how long i'm going to be back in Michigan, but I doubt I have enough clothes left at my parents house to last more than a few days.

Clay drives me home and helps me gather up a few things. He remembers things like chargers and a toothbrush, that my groggy mind can't think of. Then, without me asking, he drives me to the airport. Other than a few comments, we're silent the whole way there. Once we arrive, he walks me to my gate and sits with me to wait.

"You don't have to stay, Clay. I know you have stuff to do," I whisper, secretly wishing he'd never leave my side.

"Nothing is more important than this right now. You're too priority." My cheeks grow a little warm and i'm thankful my face in hidden in his sweatshirt. "Promise you'll keep me updated?"

"Yeah, definitely." My heart aches as I imagine all the bad news I could possibly give him. The hospital never called again, so I'm assuming his parents never answered. This makes me remember my own parents. "Oh my God! I never called my parents!" I exclaim, jumping up.

"Go ahead, I'll watch your stuff." I thank him and walk over to an empty hallway, dialing my dad's number as I go. He picks up as I'm about to give up hope and call my mom.

"Uh, hi dad."

"Hey, kiddo! What's up?"

"I'm- uh- about to get on a plane to fly back to Michigan. Thomas is hurt or sick or something." I tell my dad about the call and all my worries. I don't know when I started crying, but I sure am glad to be wearing waterproof mascara.

"Oh hunny. I'm so sorry. I'll talk to your mother and we'll try to get ahold of his parents too. I promise it'll be okay."

"Thank you dad. I love you. Bye." After a quick stop in the bathroom to wipe away any remains of tears, I head over to Clay and see him talking to too young boys by my stuff. I join him anyway. "Hey, what's up?" I ask.

"Hey, this is Rick and Luke! They watch my channel." The two boys light up with joy at this. They look like they're about to say something else, but a loudspeaker tells me it's time to board my flight. "Oh, sorry guys. I gotta go. It was awesome meeting you though!"

Once the two boys are gone, I raise an eyebrow at Clay. "What just happened?"

"I guess I sound like technoblade."

"You sound nothing like techno... Not cool enough."

"Ouch!" he exclaims, pretending to take a knife to the chest. "That really hurt me, y/n."

"Oops, my bad. Did that slip out?" We both laugh and for a moment, it's like a giant weight is lifted from my chest. But, when the second warning to board the plane reads over the loudspeaker, it all comes back.

Clay must see the worry in my face because he hugs me again and whispers, "Please don't cry, moo. It's all gonna be okay. I'm here for you."

I don't cry. I just take a deep breath and pick up my bag. "I gotta go if I wanna catch the flight..."

"I know... Come back soon? Or facetime me?"

"I will, I promise." And with that, I board the plane. No take backs. I have to face this. Thomas needs my help and I can't flake out on him now.

Bye Dream. I won't see you for a while.

To be continued...