Just a Little Bit

Come Home

P11 Come Home-
The Winchester Diaries:

"Guardian angels don't exist, Cas, you tought me that. Angels serve god, not man." The look Castiel gave me said he was brutally honest, his eyes, I could tell, despite what I thought I knew, Cas was protecting me.
"I am not actually a guardian angel, you are right. But my intentions are to keep you safe, at all cost."
"You barley know me!" I was feeling overwhelmed. Cas trying to become the biggest thing in my life, I'm not use to that.
"Your wrong. I have known you since you were born. I have always been there for you, watching you grow up. For the most part."
"You aren't making sense, Cas, who are you?" I pleaded to get more than a couple of scrambled sentences out of him, I needed to know what he was trying to tell me.
"I'll start from the beginning, because you are not fallowing me." Cas stared at my hands as we sat side by side, my eyes never left his face, "Dean and I share a bond, I pulled him from hell, more or less. And Jimmy, he is my vessel. Well you, your something very special, angels rarely enjoy." He glanced up and smiled at me, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. "Your what heaven likes to call, a mistake."
"A mistake!" My jaw dropped, and he only grinned and shook his head.
"A mistake is when someone dies, goes to heaven, but gets sent back, kind of like the Sam and Dean." His eyes glossed over as he remembered a dark past.
"I don't remember dieing though." I was concerned with what little sence he was making.
"When you were born, before even leaving the hospital, you died in your mothers arms." The glass cleared away when he blinked, he looked at me, into me, I felt his joy and sorrow. "You appeared in heaven, and I sent you back. You were so perfect, just a little bit of perfection, so small and delicate." He smiled again, "As Castiel, before finding Jimmy, I always felt a love for the human kind. Being in heaven and watching over the world as everyone had their own things to do." I looks at my feet, and he glanced down at his. "I would never give up my wings to be one, but I loved to watch." Cass voice trailed off and he smirked again, obviously deep in thought.
Cas you sound like a pedophile was all I was thinking about, the thoughts showing ever so slightly on me face. "What does this have to do with me?"
"When I sent you back, I knew I was breaking the rules. You were not authorized to return. But I did it anyway. And I'm glad I did." His voice trailed off, pleasantly explaining to me what happened. "You were my secret, my mistake, my responsibility. Mine to protect. I was able to watch over you, from heaven, and see you grow up."
"You were with me? The entire time?"
"Your first steps, your first day of school. I've always been there."
I knew what always meant, "my parents death, the streets, where were you then?" I could feel the pain in my voice, I know he felt it too.
"I was there." He got up from the bench, it was much darker now, "I put you in the cab, I saved you, I kept you safe, again, breaking the rules. But I didn't get away with it that time, I had to send you somewhere safe, somewhere no angel would find you. With the doctor, with Jack."
I got up and stood next to him, grabbed his arm and pulled myself to his side, resting my head against his strong shoulder. I closed my eyes and took in the smell of the trees and his coat. "Why didn't you save my parent?" I murmured out, knowing this would be hard on the both of us, but it has to be asked.
He didn't answer.
"You could have saved them Cas, they were my parents. You saved me but left them to die?"
"Tara your the only one I cared about, I saved you, you weren't even authorized to be alive, your parents had go die then and there though." He looked at me with hallow eyes. I separated myself from him. Clearly showing I was upset. A moment went by before I was able to think things through.
"You should have left me there."
"Don't say that-"
"No! You have no right. You might have saved my life, but I was homeless, hopeless, and orphan on the dirty streets of New York. If it weren't for Jack I would has been dead, again!"
"I couldn't stay with you, I put you in the cab, watched you to a safe place, then I needed to leave you. Heaven was catching on that I sent you back. I needed to detach myself from my love for you." He tried to grab my hand as I walked off, I pulled away.
"Don't touch me, you let them die! Your the reason!" I stopped with my back still to him, head down, "I felt so guilty for so long thinking it was my fault, but you killed my parents, your the reason they are gone, not me. I lived because of a mistake when it was all you! I'm nothing important, I don't even belong here. I should be on the tardis, where I won't be an inconvenience, where I won't be a mistake." I stormed off out of the park, I could feel the hurt eyes watching me as I made my way.
"TARA! Please, just come home."
I kept walking. My home? The tardis with the doctor, the bridge with Jack, the house with parents. The bunker was not home, it was an empty hole filled with lies and regret.
I'm done, done with everything, with everyone. I'm going home. . .