Just a Little Bit

No More

P8 No More-
The Winchester Diaries:

"Cas, I'm tierd, I have school in less than an hour, can we stop?" I asked between gasps of breath. Cas had been training me to fight, something Jack never did, we just finished training hand to hand combat. I was gross and hungry and had an exam to get to.
"Why do you wish to have a normal life?" He continued to throw punches.
"Since I was 6 I've been living a non normal life, I wanted a change. Just for a bit. The only time I've ever lived a remotely human lifestyle was when I was under the care of a high functioning sociopath." I blocked the punched and ducked coming up behind him.
"And how was that?" He relayed turning around to face me, I was so short, the top of my head didn't even reach his neck.
"Fun, but not what I wanted." He throw another and again I ducked.
"Stop trying to survive and fight back, Tara." He was annoyed I was getting tired, I gave a wimpy kick to the side and he gabbed my leg, twisting it over I fell. "Ya we're done here."
"Great! In going to go shower." I ran off leaving him disappointed and upset my priorities were off.
"I'll make you breakfast if you promised to do better!" He yelled as I headed towards the shower. I told him no but I don't think he heard me.

"Off to school." I came into the kitchen and was about to rush out the door, "bye Sam, bye Dean, bye Cas where ever you are."
"I'm right here." He said holding a plate of scrabbled eggs and toast. "I made you food."
"I don't want any, I need to go." I tried to make my way to the outside again, but the moose got in my way.
"Cas just spent a long time working on that meal, take it with you."
"Fine." I grabbed the plate and got outside. I found a trash can and through it away. I'm not hungry. I thought to myself. I don't need this.

Dean was outside the university waiting to pick me up in his impala. "How'd it go?"
"Fine, I knew what I was doing."
We got in the car and drove, but we passed the bunker on our way home. "Are we going on a hunt? Do I get to help this time?" I was getting excited.
"Nah, I just don't wanna go home yet." He said keeping his eyes on the road. "Let's have some fun, just you and me." He gave a slight smile but didn't turn his head.

We drove for a very long time, I fell asleep in the shotgun seat. When I woke up I had his jacket on me and I were parked outside a small bar in a very remote location. Getting out it was hot, so somewhere south. And the other license plates on the other cars suggested Virginia. I walked into the bar, dimly lit smelling of musky booze. Dean sat at the bar and was talking to a blond, skinny, tramp stamped floosy, I rolled my eyes and strutted over. "Oh hey. Dad," smiling brightly. The blond looked at him in discuss and turned to the guy on her other side.
"Why." Was all Dean could get get out.
"Because she's not worth your time. And you did not drag me here to watch you flirt." I was actually pretty upset I wasn't home watching tv.
"Right. Fun." He remembered looking me in the eyes, without braking contact he signaled the bar tender and handed me a drink. "I know you don't like the stuff, but, cheers." He clinked the glass still less in my hand and took a sip, "go on, loosen up."
I licked my lips and poorest the discussing liquid into my mouth. "Yuck! Why is this fun?"
"Just keep drinking. You'll get there."
And so I did. I drank almost a whole beer, and then, I was drunk.

The rest of the night is a blur. Dean and I partied, drank, danced, drank, and I had my head in the toilet for quite some time. That was after the deep bonding conversation the two of us had of course. When I say deep I really mean, highly intoxicated.
"Dean," I said slouched over the bar counter, hair a mess, beer in hand, " glad I met you. Like, really glad. To be..."
"Honest?" Dean filled in the sentence.
"Ya, honest. I hate this whole collage thing. I'm just too much of a girl to take it back." I took a big gulp to help swallow what I just spat out, the truth.
"Ya, that's why I wanted you at the bunker. Cas was worried. Like really worried. I think he has a thing for gingers." He slurred the words, "like, he sees you as his job or his project or just his."
"I'm Jacks." My face was planted on the table.
"Who is this Harkness, you never did explain it."
"He doesn't die, like you and your bother it seems. But he just, heals. And the Doctor, there is no end to the magic he can do." I paused and smiled, lifting my head up and glancing over to the seat next to me were Dean was. So perfect, just sitting, staring at me, his green eyes. "Can I be perfect like you?" I didn't know how dumb I sounded till I was sober.
"Tara, shut up. Your fine." He turned to me and I lifted me head, lost balance, and fell off the chair. "It's time to get you out of here."
"No, more fun!" I tried to stand up and dance but my legs had other plans. They wobbled around and made me fall some more.
"Nope, let's get into the car."

We drove for a bit down the highway, amazingly not crashing, and Dean told me all about his mom and his dad going missing, and the deals with the devil. I thought it was a joke, when I was drunk, and giggled through the entire thing. Then he told me about what he wants, a family, a hot wife, no demons, a real home. I felt bad, All the wonderful stuff I took for granted, and he just wanted a home.

It was about 5 am when we got back to the bunker, Cas was up waiting for us. "Where have you been Dean! Tara, are you drunk?"
"As a skunk." Was all I had to say to that. Then I ran to the bathroom and vomited my guts out. What happened when I was gone I couldn't say for sure, but I would think it went like this based on how I was treated after that night.
"Dean. She's 20, not even. What were you thinking!"
"I wasn't Cas. That's what I do, I don't think."
"We need to protect her. We are the only people she has right now."
"What about the wonderful Jack and Rose and the Doctor? Huh? Cas, she doesn't need us anymore."
"I'm her angel. Damit Dean! Shell ways need us. I love her. And it hurts me everyday to see her look right at me and not feel the same way."
"I know buddy, that's how everyone around here feels. But we can't mess with her memories anymore. What's done is done."