Lost To Darkness (CallMeKevin Fanfic)

Chapter 12: I-I Can't Do This...

(Nina's Pov) *SAME DAY* (TRIGGERWARNING)

I got snapped from my thoughts by Kevin calling my name frantically. I let out a shaky sigh and felt my body tremble. I sucked in a deep breath and choked on sobs the moment that breath was released. Kevin furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and sat next to me on his couch.

I put a hand over my mouth choking on sobs and struggling to breathe. My heart raced and stomach churned anxiously. It was hard to hear Kevin as I could only hear my heartbeat in my ears. My body trembled as tears fell from my face. I felt Kevin put his hand on my leg which made me jump from the couch and back away from him.

His eyes widen with hurt and confusion. I couldn't even say anything or get a single word out so the only thing I could do was run out of his place and down to mine. My vision was going blurry but I ran to my place not caring about Kevin yelling my name and slammed my door shut. I quickly ran to my room and slammed the door shut and panted breathlessly.

I couldn't breathe...it was so hard to breathe. It's all too much...I can't, I can't do this anymore...it's all too much. I can't drag Kevin into my problems...I can't...I can't...He doesn't deserve this; I don't deserve this...I can't...I gripped my hair tightly and just screamed as loud as I could that I'm sure Kevin could hear but I just don't care anymore...I don't.

I sobbed in agony as I grabbed my blade from my phone and lifted up my sleeves. I didn't care if I died anymore, I was done, I'm just done. I heard a knock on my door which made me jump and gasp knowing it was Kevin. He shouted my name which made me bite my lip hard trying so hard to ignore him "G-Goodbye Kevin...I-I'm sorry" I said and dug the blade hard and deep in my skin which made me hiss and cry out in pain.

I couldn't do much since I was shaking so much but I did enough damage that I breathed heavily and coughed a bit feeling the blood pour out of my wound. I felt dizzy and weak in the knees that I fell to the floor. I curled up in a ball and sobbed and didn't hear my front door open "NINA!" I heard Kevin shout.

I sobbed more and heard running footsteps coming in my direction. I saw my door being kicked open which made me flinch and curl up in a ball with my hands over my head just from pure fear instincts "N-Nina" Kevin whispered worryingly, I didn't bother to look at him as he cursed under his breath and ran to my bathroom to grab bandages and a rag to clean my cuts up.

He came back in my room and crouched down infront of me "Nina, let me see your hands please" He said softly, I bit my lip and hiccupped as I shakily showed him my trembling arms which made him sigh as he pressed a warm cloth to them which made me hiss a bit in pain "Sorry, sorry" he whispered,

I frowned knowing this would happen sooner than later and now he's mad, he's gonna leave me...this is it...I just wanna die...I can't anymore...No words were exchanged between me or Kevin until he fixed up and bandaged my wounds. He held my hands gently and kissed my bandaged wounds which made me sniffle.

He looked at me and frowned as he carefully his hand up to cup my cheek and wipe the tears away "Nina" he whispered hurtfully...I couldn't even look him in the eyes...I can't...my bottom lip quivered as I choked on sobs again "I-I'm sorry, I'm so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so sorry" I apologized over and over and over. Kevin shook his head and sat on the ground "What happened?" he asked gently,

I sniffled "I-I don't know...I-I was just reading and t-then my brain began t-to wander and once it does that I-it doesn't end well and I-I started to think on w-why you're with me a-and if it's just for pity and I-I just can't do this...anymore I can't..." I said,

He frowned and brushed a strand of wet hair out of my face "do what?" he asked, "everything...live, be with you...I can't" I said, he looked worried and sad, "Why? What happened?" he asked softly, I shook my head "I-I'm broken Kevin...I'm too much of a mess to be fixed, everyday just gets worse and worse and it's not getting better a-and I can't weigh you down or make you sad or worry about me all the time...I-I'm just going to end up h-hurting you Kevin and I-I don't want to hurt you...I-I just can't do this anymore" I said hoarsely.