Lost To Darkness (CallMeKevin Fanfic)

Chapter 13: Mental Breakdowns

(Nina's Pov)

I fluttered my eyes open to the gloominess that is of Ireland. I sighed and groaned as I felt breathing beneath me which made me gasp and my eyes widen. I looked seeing Kevin was under me and sleeping peacefully which made me sigh as I felt my heart race and soon calm down.

I remembered what happened last night which made me sigh as I lied my head back on his chest hearing his calm breathing and heartbeat. I yawned and sighed and snuggled against Kevin for comfort. I felt his arms around my waist which made me take a few deep breaths trying not to panic...

I've never had this before and again any affection even if It's gentle freaks me out because of what my foster brother did to me...He's ruined me...he's ruined my life, he's ruined any chance that I have at any relationships and now I fear that I'm always going to be this traumatized and Kevin won't be able to touch me or show me affection like regular, normal couples...

I frowned and sighed as I snuggled against Kevin for a while longer. I grabbed my phone and looked at the time seeing it was 9am which made me groan and roll my eyes. I carefully removed myself from Kevin and stretched and yawned.

I headed out of my room and to my kitchen to brew some coffee. While the water brewing, I looked seeing my bandaged wrists but I also saw blood stains everywhere. My eyes widen as I felt my throat tighten up a bit. I remembered all what happened and I just can't believe Kevin saw all of that...I can't believe that I did that to him...I'm so stupid...how can I be so stupid?

I sighed and blinked a few times hearing the coffee maker go off which made me sigh as I grabbed 2 mugs for me and Kevin and got us some coffee. I went to turn around to head back to the room but Kevin was standing there which made me flinch making coffee not only go on the floor but over my bandaged arms and stinging them badly which then made me drop the mugs on the floor shattering them all over the place.

I bit my lip hard and groaned in pain shaking off my hands. Kevin cursed under his breath and grabbed a cold rag and ran over to me and pressed the rag to my wrists which made me whimper "Sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare ya. I just woke up and figured you'd be out here" he said,

I just shook my head and breathed heavily trying to calm down "Here. Here. Sit let me clean this up" he said and sat me down on my couch and handed me the rag to hold on myself which made me sigh as he cleaned up the broken mugs and wiped up my floor.

When it was cleaned he got 2 new mugs and poured us both coffee. He came over and sat next to me and set our mugs down "I'm so sorry" he said, I smiled softly and shook my head "i-it's okay. I-I wanted to surprise you with some coffee and to thank you for last night but I-I guess I just mess things up" I said as tears filled my eyes.

Kevin gently grabbed my chin and lifted it up to make me look at him "Love none of this is your fault okay? None of it" he said, I sniffled "B-but you saw what I did...t-that's not how I wanted you to find out a-and now I-I'm covered in dry blood and coffee...I'm a disaster Kev...why?" I asked as my bottom lip quivered.

He sighed as he wiped the tears that spilled down my cheeks. He kissed my forehead "Nina. What happened yesterday was all a spur in the moment and I'm sorry if I scared ya that's the last thing I want to do. But it doesn't mean I don't love ya any less cause I don't. I just wish you could've told me sooner you were hurtin yourself that way I could've helped sooner...It broke my heart seein you like that...I don't wanna lose you Nina...I can't lose ya" He said sadly,

I sniffled and sighed "I-I'm sorry Kevin, I'm so sorry" I said and cried some more. He shook his head and kissed my forehead and rubbed my head. I sniffled as I wanted nothing more than Kevin to hold me so I held onto his shirt and lied my head on his chest. He looked hesitant for a moment not wanting to scare me "J-just hold me please" I said,