Wretched Roses √

Chapter 45-Feeling

*this chapter heavily talks about depression and antidepressants, if it's too hard to read, skip it, please*

Freya's Pov
I dialed up Leona's number and waited for her to pick up. She had told me to call her during her break, which was supposed to be now. I did exactly that, but it didn't seem like she was gonna pick up. Sighing, I put down my phone. We were both extremely busy with trying to earn enough money to be able to pay rent and still have some left. Unfortunately, that also resulted in an extremely busy schedule. We were lucky if we had time to meet during the weekend.

It was a frustrating situation, especially considering we'd just recently started this relationship, or whatever it could be called. I wanted to be near her all the time, but it was far from possible right now. When I was free, she wasn't. Even if we weren't at work, I didn't always have the strength to get out of bed, and sometimes neither did she. I had underestimated how difficult this would be.

This week had been particularly hectic. The store had been flooding with customers and Leona was in a similar situation. On top of that, it was December. The month her sister died. It was nearing a year without Layla. She started taking up extra shifts, refusing to talk about her when I tried to bring it up. I stopped pushing it, it wasn't my place.

However, I knew what she was doing. Filling her schedule up with enough things to have her distracted so she wouldn't have time to think about it. And at the end of the she would pass out from exhaustion and the cycle would repeat itself. If she didn't want to open up, that was fine, but she couldn't go one like this. It was unhealthy.

I snapped out of my thoughts at the sound of my phone ringing. Shooting up out of bed, I scrambled for my phone to check who it was. My smile brightened when I saw it was Leona. Instantly I picked up and felt myself get a little lighter just at the sound of her voice.

"Hi, how are you? Is it busy?"

"Very." The loud chatter and noises in the background only amplified her complaint.

"Do you think you have any time to spare for your precious girlfri-" I cleared my throat, we had yet to confirm any labels. "Friend."

She didn't seem to catch my slip-up. And if she did, she didn't acknowledge it. "Maybe Sunday, I have the day off and I don't have any important plans."

I smiled. "Great, Sunday."

She went silent before a distinct shouting was heard from her end. I heard her shout something like 'I'm coming' and assumed she had to go. This was hard. For the both of us.

"Sorry, I have to go. I'll talk to you later though."

I nodded on instinct but realized she couldn't see me so I opted for a hum. "Okay, see you later."

Leona hung up promptly and the room was yet again filled with an empty stillness. I lied on the side in a fetus position and exited contacts to scroll through social media. I'd failed to mention to Leona that I had barely left my bed all day. I didn't want to bring any unnecessary worry onto her. My therapist would disagree, but this month was different. I couldn't add more shit onto her back. Moving was draining today, she didn't need to know that. It was fine. It's fine.

Yet, I knew that was a lie. It wasn't fine. I just wanted everything to be normal. Whatever normal was. I wanted a sense of stability. But all I had were memories, painful memories repeating themself over and over in my head. How I wish this was all a nightmare. Nightmares you can escape, but you can't escape reality. You can only learn to live with it. I was learning to, but slowly. I was growing impatient.

"You're a sorry excuse for a daughter."

That one hurt. It stung so much more because it was my wedding day. She couldn't let me be for one day. One fucking day. Your wedding day was supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life. Mine was anything but that. What followed made it so much worse.