Fix You (Percy Jackson Fanfiction) (boyxboy)

Honesty

AN:// I'll be honest. It took a review (from @KuroMagi) asking me to update soon to sit down and punch this chapter out. If you're reading this please know that taking a moment to review is quite motivating. Love you all and hope you somewhat enjoy this ridiculously angst ridden filler chapter. ;P

Nico sat back as he watched Leo chat animatedly with Annabeth. The young Latino's eyes were beginning to regain their spark, though the telltale signs of restless sleep were embedded darkly. The curly lads laugh pierced the crisp Midwest air and Nico felt a jolt race through him: pure affection. When the laugh turned into a sharp hack (another symptom of his bruised/broken ribs) the fondness plummeted deep within him dragging with it his achy heart. This seesaw of emotion had taken more twists and turns in the last few days than the son of Hades would care to ever experience again.
He'd brush his fingers through the curls and stroke a tanned cheek, overwhelmed with gratitude. He had his love in his arms. Then he'd catch a glimpse of a healing gash and guilt would threaten to choke him. Would he ever caress these marks, these scars, these flaws, without shame snapping the moment like a twig? Would things ever be the same?
No. The answer plain and simple is no. Everything had changed. This carefree demigod experienced horror to an untoward degree. This confident boy now took in his surroundings, constantly on guard. This sunny lad now shook when he thought for too long. This comedian now cut his laughs short with a flinch, eyes wide with fear of rebuttal. This perfect human now cried through the night, broken to pieces.
At some point in Nico's crazy childhood (he doesn't even fully comprehend it yet) someone had told him something he clung to. They had told him in passing that the beauty of love is how no matter how shattered someone is, if you hug them tightly enough it can piece them back together. It's the reason Nico always hugged Bianca so fiercely. It's why even after all he'd been through, he didn't hesitate to hug Reyna. It's the reason each night Nico pulled Leo in as tightly as his injuries would allow. Somewhere in the naivety of his mind, Nico was sure that in those moments he made Leo whole again.
A hand on his shoulder snapped Nico out of his thoughts. He turned to see Percy attached to the hand. The sea green eyes searched his own dark orbs and Nico swallowed thickly. Unfortunately his forced smile didn't fool his friend one bit.
"Talk to me. How are you holding up" demanded Percy and Nico glared before complying.
"It's okay Percy. Everything's okay. He's going to be okay. Everything's going to be okay." The reply clearly didn't satisfy Percy. He'd never been one to keep his face clear of emotion. If he was happy his face beamed. If he was irritated the corners of his mouth pulled down and his eyes rolled and rolled and rolled (followed effectively by dramatic sighs of varying degrees). If you hurt his feelings his cheeks would flush and his eyes would glaze, refusing to meet your own. (Nico had observed the son of the sea god for some time). So when he answered and Percy's eyebrows dipped lower in concern, Nico knew he hadn't said what Percy wanted to hear.
"Alright di Angelo. Now that we've established that every goat and their mom is okay, are you going to answer my question? How are you?"
Nico huffed at his friends retort, probably trying not to breathe in all the sass. He bit his lip for a moment. It's hard work trying to formulate a decent reply. You have to sort out enough honesty to get your perceptive friend off your back, maybe confess a smaller issue to throw them off your trail. But you can't be too real. Firstly you don't want to go scaring them off. And you certainly don't want it to turn into some sort of intervention. Honesty is dangerous, vulnerability all the more.
"I'm okay. Don't!" Nico held his hand up the moment Percy opened his mouth. "Gods of Olympus Percy, if you actually wanted me to share maybe you'd shut up for five seconds!" The New York native snapped his mouth shut as a blush attacked his cheeks. "I'm relieved to have him back. But I still worry. I haven't been sleeping much to be honest. I'm a bit paranoid," he confessed.
The moment Percy's eyes softened in concern Nico knew his deflection had worked. As Percy launched into some bout of wisdom Nico's mind hazed over. Sure he was nervous for Leo. And yeah he hadn't slept well in ages. But that's not what had the Ghost King floundering. Guilt. Nico knew this wasn't the end. Maybe things would reach a semi-normal state once more, but it wouldn't last. Leo would suffer till he died. Everyone Nico ever loved ended up paying his father a visit. He was the son of Hades. He was the Ghost King. He was cursed among demigods. He wasn't allowed to keep anything good. He wasn't allowed more than a taste of pleasure, a caress of joy. He wasn't meant to relish in bliss.
When he'd heard of the Hephaestus cabin and their curse, he'd scoffed. They couldn't touch a machine without it crumbling in flames. Yeah? Well he couldn't touch a life without it crumbling in flames. And yeah the irony was glaring when he'd first fallen for Leo. Leo the flame-proof easy going perfection on legs who brought Nico out of his shell. He'd thought maybe this was the exception. Leo couldn't burn. But Nico was so very wrong. The truth churned within him and he honestly wanted to vomit at the thought. He may not be the reason Leo had experienced all this. But he was. Oh he was the reason. He was broken and it didn't matter how brilliant Leo was in the art of mechanics. He could never fix Nico.