Retrograde [Completed]

Part 1

Hey ladies and theydies!!! Just want to preface this with what Hotch looks like here. It's a bad photo because I can't find pictures of this red carpet look ANYWHERE, so I had to take it from a tiktok vid:

Also want to say, I'm going to try to keep Hotch's rigid personality for the most part, but really wanted this fic to be about him loosening up and as well as just exploring sexuality.

Chapters with * indicate smut.

Okay let's get started!!!

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Its dark and cold and you hear you name being called. This was familiar, something you'd come accustomed to experiencing.

You're calling out to Tyler and running towards him, but it seems like his hand gets further and further away with every step you take. You'd never make your way back to him and the notion feels like a dagger to the heart. You continue to call out to him, tears streaming down your face, but something is pulling you back into consciousness.

"Aisha, its fine, it's a dream. Wake up!" Sidney is shaking you gently. You come to and realize you're crying in real life as well. Disoriented, you look around the room, your eyes landing on Sidney's heart-shaped face.

"I'm sorry."  You whisper apologetically, trying to wipe away the tears. Both of you were used to this but it was still embarrassing. Sid was the only person who'd seen you cry in a long time.

"Oh, honey, it's okay, come here." She wraps you up in her arms and let's you cry, laying the two of you down in your bed.

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"You know you can't avoid having romantic feelings for the rest of your life." Sidney mumbles, her mouth full of cereal. You're both sitting on pillows at the coffee table, watching Gilmore Girls as usual.

"I think I could." You retort, taking a sip of your tea. The two of you were watching an episode where Jess was being a complete asshole even though he clearly was trying to hide his feelings for Rory. Stuff like that always brought up your love life, or lack thereof.

"Aisha, I get it. You were dealt a really shitty hand of cards with your first love. But-"

"Please, not this again." You hastily rise, wanting to end the conversation before Sidney really got going. She always brought up the fact that Tyler was dead and that your grief was holding you back. And she was right. You hadn't gotten over the fact that he was gone. It had been two years and a few months and you still couldn't visit his grave. You didn't want it to be real. Every time someone was interested in you, you'd give it a shot, have some sex, and self-sabotage. You weren't ready to feel even a fraction of what you felt for Tyler for anyone else. Currently, you preferred to get someone wrapped around your finger for a short while to enjoy the sex.