Blinded by Hate | a.hotchner

Chapter 9

You rode with Emily on the way to the airstrip. It was a quiet drive, but the uncomfortable tension was evident. You could practically see the waves of awkward hanging in the air. 

"Emily, we have to talk about it. We can't just sweep it under the rug." You sigh, she replied with a sigh as well. "Okay, well. Do you regret it?" she asked you.

You stop to think for a moment before speaking, "No, of course not. But, I don't think it should happen again." You tell her quietly, not wanting to offend her. "I agree, about both things. We were just drunk." She says with a slight laugh.

"I only ask one thing, Em. I don't want things to be weird between us, I just want to go back to the way things were." Which was true. From the moment you woke up to when you guys were kissing in the shower, you were worried that you guys couldn't be friends after this. 

"I want that too, as long as we can laugh about it later. Because, it's not that bad of a story." She lets out a louder laugh. "Also we cannot tell anyone, Morgan will hold it over our heads like a knife forever. And I really don't want JJ to know."

Or Hotch you think to yourself

"Why Hotch?" She looks over at you with a questioning look. 

Oh god I said that out loud. 

"You know, because he's our boss, and I think he'd be against his employees sleeping together on a case." You tell her, too quickly, "Riight, not because you slept with him?" she says with a knowing smile.

"I did not!" You say, again, too quickly. "Yeahhhh and we didn't sleep together either." she elbows you in the ribs with a wink.

"Alright, we slept together once. It was that night you had to pick me up on the side of the road." You said sheepishly, knowing that she was about to get angry.

You were right, her smile turning into a frown and her eyes darkening. "He did that to you? I swear to god the moment I see him I will kill him." Her voice raised to a yell as she pulled up to the airstrip. She immediately jumped out of the car, grabbing her bags and strutting towards the jet. You grabbed your bags too and ran to catch up with Emily.

"Emily, please. Don't say anything and don't do anything." You pleaded 

"How can I not  do anything, y/n. He wrecked you mentally and physically. He hurt you. The shit he did was unforgivable. He left you on the street with no way to get home and a hand print and bite mark on your neck. I swear to god, I'm going to punch his teeth in." She started stepping up the stairs to the jet, the anger rolling off her in waves. 

Once on the jet, she threw her things down and walked over to Hotch. Not wanting to watch what was happening, you turned your head. The next thing you heard was Emily yelling something at Hotch and a crisp slap. Your head looked over quickly to see Hotch holding his face and Emily walking away proudly to sit next to you at the table. 

Luckily, the rest of the team wasn't on the jet to witness the transaction between Emily and Hotch, they only missed it by mere minutes. The three of you sat in silence, but you could see the anger radiating off of Hotch. Shortly after the rest of the team joined you guys on the jet, the plane took off making it's way back to D.C. 

Damn, I forgot how hot Hotch looks when he's mad. 

Snap out of it y/n, you were just trashing him minutes ago. 

Yeah, but look at him. His large hands and that angry expression. I can just imagine him bending me over his desk and spanking me while the team sits 20 feet away. Him shoving his cock down my throat as he moans. Him ramming himself into my cunt as I scream out his name. Sweat and curses filling the air as he fucks me relentlessly. I can still feel his lips on mine as he juts his hips into me.

Oh. My. God. Y/n. You have to stop. You can't be thinking about him like. 

Well why not? What's wrong with that? Why can't I want him to bend me over his desk? Why can't I want him to control my orgasms and tie my up like a doll? Why can't I want him?

Because you're supposed to hate him.

Well, what if I don't want to hate him anymore. What if I just want to be done with the rivalry and the nicknames and just let him have his way with me. 

But what if you fall in love with him. You know you can't do that. You fall in love like its breathing. 

What if I want to love him? What if I want him to love me?

The plane landing pulled you out of your thoughts, you had been thinking about him and fighting with yourself for the entire flight. You grabbed your things and bolted off the plane, taking your place in one of the SUVs the team had driven there on Saturday. Morgan got into the drivers seat, JJ in the passenger seat. Emily and you in the backseat. In the other SUV was Hotch, Rossi and Reid.  Once back at the office, the team worked quietly in the bullpen for the rest of the day.

After you went through a few cases and recommendation your mind started to wander as you looked up into Hotch's office.

God why does anything he do turn me on. 

Can you stop being horny for one minute and do your work, y/n?

Nope.

Well, can you stop staring at your boss? Because he's just caught you.

You quickly averted your eyes, going back to the file on your desk. The sound of Emily clearing her throat at you caught you attention. She was looking at you with a slight frown, she had seen you watching Hotch.

"Y/n? What was that? You were just staring at him like he was candy." She dropped her voice as she accused you, which you scoffed at in return. "No I wasn't, I just spaced off and it happened to be in that direction." Which was a bold face lie. 

"Y/n, he hurt you." She said in a whisper, so she didn't attract the attention of Reid and Morgan. You stood up and grabbed her to pull her into the hallway so that your coworkers could hear what you said. 

"I kissed him last night, Em. Twice. And I want to do it again. I can't get him out of my head, the entire flight back, I was thinking about him." You tell her, and you could see her heartbreak for you.

"I can't keep you from doing what you want, but I will tell you that I think you should really think about this before you do something. I don't want to see you get hurt again, and if he does the same thing again I will do a lot worse than slap him." She says sternly before walking away. You walk back into the bullpen after her, taking your seat again. 

You tried to keep from thinking about Hotch, and get through your work, but every now and then he would jump into your head like a very attractive pop-up add. After fighting off your thoughts, you finally finished your cases for the day around 8pm. You walked up to Hotch's office with all your files and knocked on his open door before walking in. He gestured at the top corner of his desk for you to sit you files down. You walked up to his desk and set you work down, leaning down enough for your cleavage to peak out of the top of your shirt. His eyes flitted down to your chest for a second before moving back up to meet your eyes. Clearing your throat, you turned around to walk out of his office. Feeling his eyes on your ass, you let your hips swing a little more. 

"Good night, sir." You said lowly. 

You were playing a dangerous game, but it was a game you were willing to lose.

Author Note:

I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. I know it's short, I'm sorry. The next one should be jam packed ;) 

I love all of you sm and I'm very thankful for all the support! <3