Blinded by Hate | a.hotchner

Chapter 31

The first night you spent without Aaron, was terrible. You were cold all night, no matter how many blankets you piled on. You fought your urge to call or text Aaron, leaving your phone in your kitchen all night.

When your alarm went off in the morning, you barely registered it. You were still cold, so you quickly got in the shower. The hot water washed off the chill, and relaxed your tense muscles. You were nervous to see Aaron at work, worried about his reaction.

It's not like I left him. We're still together, I just need some time to heal alone. You tried to convince yourself.

You got dressed for work, putting on a full black ensemble. A black turtleneck and blazer, black dress pants, and short black heels. It was still cold as shit outside, so layers were your best friend.

Your drive to the office was quick, your anxiety rising as you got closer to the base. You already planned to talk to Aaron, you didn't like how you led him so abruptly yesterday after talking. Taking a brief moment to set your bags down at your desk, you made your way up to his office, knocking before entering.

"Come in." Aaron's tired voice responded.

He looked like hell. The circles under his eyes were more prominent as well as the bags. His hair looked disheveled, like he hadn't bothered to touch it this morning. What stood out the most was his slightly wrinkled suit, which is extremely out of character for him.

"Aaron." You said in a sad voice, walking over to meet his desk.

"Agent?" He asked you, his tone cold and emotionless.

"Aaron, don't do that. We both know that we need some time to heal." You started to tell him, reaching for his hand. He pulled away from you, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I still love you, and I still want to be with you. I know you feel like I left you, like I betrayed you." You continued to talk.

Before you could speak again, he cut you off, "Y/n, I don't just feel betrayed. I was worried sick last night, I didn't know where you were or if you were okay." His voice was weak and it wavered.

"I called you to make sure you were home and safe, and you didn't respond. I almost came over and broke your door down, but Emily convinced me not to." He told you, his eyes not meeting yours.

"Aaron, I told you where I was. I left my phone in my kitchen so I wouldn't be tempted to call you. I missed you all night, but that doesn't change my decision. I still need time to recover mentally, before I can commit myself fully to you.

"I know we're doing things out of order, but I still love you. I always will, but I need to know that my bond to you isn't formed because you're taking care of me." You said, reaching for his hand.

"A trauma bond?!" His voice was incredulous and had risen to a yell, he stood from his desk, "You think that after you're all healed and whole that you won't love me?"

"That I'm just some patch for your stupid little heart, and when you're better, you'll throw me away?!" He roared at you. You retracted backwards, putting more distance between the two of you.

"My stupid little heart?!" You matched his tone, "You really think that I would use you like that? After I know what it's like to be used, after what's happened to me? You think I would just use you, and leave you?"

"I don't know, y/n! How could I? Every time I try to get you to open up to me, you push me away!" He answered you, his voice still yelling.

"Can't you see, Aaron? Can't you see how scared I am right now?" You started to move toward him.